'Spiritual Decline'

Drafted 1 week ago and cont' today

For some moments of thought, I asked my self if I have experienced backsliding.
But analysing my relationship with God, I thought no, backsliding would be slipping away or turning away from God.
Hence, today spiritual decline's the word which I feel more aptly describe my recent status. Or so I thought - (temporarily till I get the right analysis if and when I do!)
I feel not so spiritually inclined, takes me a harder time to intake the Word of God, takes a lot more effort for the Word to make sense to me,
And more self-centredness, disobedient spirit, doing things my way, my feelings get into way.

That is when SIN gets into the way. I feel so hard to be spirit-filled, waging war again my sinful nature - thoughts, desires and ways.
It's a battle. Hence it's a struggle.
For the past few weeks, or more then a month.

Like what Andrew mentioned, think I need to take a BATH, not just clean myself. Sin have been accumulating.
Wrong spirit and focus, yet it is so subtle.

How did it start? What's the root cause?

Written today:
The initial phase I was in..(long story..)
But briefly:
1st I was deeply troubled in mind and heart due to some thoughts/'visions' I had.
Then it leads to me being easily angered, frustrated and bitter towards people when they start getting on my nerves and pissing me off. To my leaders or shepherd or whoever. Even the taxi driver who wanted to drive me to Or"CHARD" Rd instead of City Harvest "CHURCH").
... Behold my anger. Rub me the wrong way..don't think I won't scold you..
Even William sometime back during this period finds me angry coz I scolded him also for something. Hahaha
(of course when such things happen, the problem is me, not people, even if they pose a problem to you.)

The holy spirit still reminds me things, thank God & Praise God!.

Things got better a little, as I realize the state and sin I'm allowing myself to commit if I continue, tried to apologize to a few people. Nvm.
Finally talked to my shepherd the start/initial part of my dilemma.
Things progressed so fast (for the better/worst)in WEEKS pace, that I didn't really get to update my shepherd any much.

I got better I felt. And really thank God I did a little, or else I would have got into real argument or fight with my sheep. Thank God I didn't la, else it'll be irreversible damage done.
God knows the timing yeah.. and I prayed lah. He knows my limit.

The week progressed, thought I still feel not in full gear spiritually speaking.
……

However all along, despite what I was/am going through, at the back of my mind I know that God is allowing/putting me to go through something. It is a realistic situation and even struggle which needs my action. And in accordance and obedience with His Word to experience how to breakthrough it.

Few impt things are:
1. Being able to identify with many many people why and how they'll feel and do what they do, (my mum, my bro, my sheep, my CG mates etc. and other people in general)
2. God is revealing some of the areas of my life which I was covered up with something else instead of really being cleaned and transformed by Him.
Including this area which i connected with how I've been managing emotions incl anger. I was never an angry person, (not until lately). If you make me angry then you're seriously in deep trouble..
……….
……….
Circumstance changes pretty fast..
But what bout me? (I'm learning to not be swayed (feelings etc.) and affected by circumstances but manage how I am based on the foundation and principles of WOG.. As I'm tested now..)
Things progressed really fast this past week.. I don't know what I'm into..

Until…

(to be con't)