T.B.C/My Reflection Simply..

How to proclaim the goodness of God in the face of continual disappointment and discouragement.
That was what I initially wanted to write about.

But as days goes by, I got more and more insights into my situation, like there's so many perspective to see what have been happening to me with God.

It's about Trusting God. Placing my trust in Him.
Surrendering un-surrendered areas in my life to Him.
Re-Placing my security in Him.


My story:
My Spiritual life in-retrospect. (End Q3 2005 - end Q3 2006)
From last year, there were many happenings, struggles, challenges in my life then ever before. So many ups and downs. In fact, more downs than ups. (meaning the Ups going to come! Haha!)
Been looking back at my blogs too for the entire year.

I didn't really realize until recently, more of after last week Sun- sermon on Spiritual Breakthroughs (24 Sep 06), and something that happened at night.
That I've lost focus.
God also used my CL and Shepherd spoke to me about me loosing/lost focus.

Yes, I do not deny that.
Yet this blog or awakening is Not about losing focus. In fact, loosing focus is/was the outcome of my respond to situations/circumstances and God.

Realised that I've lost focus on: Reaching out, Discipling others.
Though God did speak to me once during CG around Aug/Sep 06 - about my purpose in impacting people's life, in my sphere of influence, and particularly the CG.
(Partially realising that I've been busy doing other things but that actively.)


WHAT HAPPENED?
My relationship with God

Realised last Sunday that there was a huge unresolved issue between me and God. Issue of Trust and His goodness. Stems from hidden, buried or accumulated disappointments and discouragement with God that I've been facing.
There grew a barrier/wall between us and our communication.
(And me being the avoider rather than active confronter to reconcile the issue or knock it down)

That unknowingly, I've stopped talking to God much, or deep.
And how it affected my spiritual life.. (And there on)..

Ignoring this unsettled issue with God, I lost connection (being in the vine) with Him more and more. Though I've tried to read the bible. Or pray. Or fasted and pray! (tried)
But my prayer life has fizzled. Not that I had a strong or vibrant prayer life before hand!
But it got worst. I doubted that my prayers will be answered even, since He had been inconsistent in answering my prayers, or didn't answer at all.
I doubted His love and goodness to me. Doubted that He really cared. Circumstances in my own eyes and unfulfilled self-expectations showed me to be so.

Outcome: Gradual lost of focus and fervour/zeal.
So when your relationship with God or someone is not on good terms, you naturally won't be talking to the person much nor doing things for them, or with them, not to mention with zeal or fervour.
I can't or don't even feel like praying. My heart was heavy. Not to mention praying.

-One Sunday (2-3 weeks back), at Sunday Praise & worship time in church, I was reminded of His love for me, the ultimate one was already shown by dying on the cross for my sins to give me Life.
So if God loved me to that extend, what are the other things I thought He didn't do for me compared to that. So He loves me.

-While practising for the church Anniversary choir also the week before 16 Sep 06, we were rehearsing the song "You Are Good" by Israel Houghton.
While singing it half way, I realise I couldn't sing it with conviction, that He is good.
But the other songs esp. 'You Are Holy' I could worship/sing.. Those are the areas of God that I can't deny..not to mention deny that He is God.


to be cont'
Getting back on terms with God





Renewed perspective of God's goodness:






God's work in me:






BREAKTHROUGHS..