On Leadership & Fasting..

The words of Pastor Jeff (at BLM 21 Feb 06):

A leader SOLVES problems..not sort or find of the problems..
Problems are everywhere..and we need you to find a solution to it, everyone can sort out enough problems.. and we don't need you to do it.


Thank God for His Word.. & supply of wisdom:
Made this claim last week (though I have prayed it few or many times before..) when I face difficulties in 'discipleship'..

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him" James 1:5
but yet upon claiming it, need have the confidence in approaching God, and getting ideas to approach & solve certain situations.. And really it works..
The Lord is great!!

"But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does" -James 1:6-8

Amazingly, I went into 2 days of fasting (a meal only) out of desperation to seek and the need for the strenght from God..after the things that happen to me (the Valentines sheep issue & what that transpired).
Quite amazing I did that thinking back..an independent fast.. [coz u (I) don't usually look forward eagerly to doing it out of no reason or out of joy..] Time of feasting are of joy and celebration..but when you fast and seek God.. It's to humble yourself, or when repent of sin (the people in OT declared fast when such things happen), also acknowleging you need God. (True fasting attitude passage also found in Isaiah 58)

And the Lord is good. Realized I made the prayer in last week's SUbD prayer meet regarding the Trial which really spoke and ministered to me - that particular session (Was lead to pray the Question of -- What specific areas He wants me to grow in through this trial?) there were so many areas that came to my mind that I became lost to be specific (there were love, patience, etc etc..)

On the 2 fasting days itself.. God revealed to me an area..it was a great revelation.. And I was filled with joy..towards my situation.. Looking at ONE of God's revealed purpose in regards to why we were placed together.

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And also, when I face fears confronting my fears in relating and conflicts.. The Spirit of God reminded me (on Sunday)..

'For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline' -2 Timothy 1:7

Also prompted by God to PRAY & fast for sheep..(haven't fixed the days or commitment yet for fasting..not easy.. If irregular days will get gastric and discomfort.. And when busy no time to pray, better not fast at all.. Coz fasting should come with praying!!)
With praying, God will reveal and prompt me to action.. (Praying is partnering with God..)

And God's revelation was in line with Sunday's sermon BREAKTHROUGH..to Victory!

My Life

Re-evaluating to adjust time management, time usage..and priorities. Read an article from Discipleship journal on handling busyness. It is through people (like your CL or people who cares for God and His sheeps, readings, that God can speak through to you..)

How has my time with God (praying, reading His Word been?) Am I too loaded? Too rushed doing and accomplishing things, running here and there?
Ties in with what Andrew's reminding me about recently - looking out what to shed and what to focus on -- in terms of activities. And also what I've tried to seek God about in terms of ministry, sometime back..when I fasted pray that week. But only prayed maybe on one day for it. Didn't like stay on long enough to hear from God consiously though. And the busyness went on..

So instead of adding on any more thing (for e.g part-timing to pray with CMI which I was considering fr Q4 last year - sparked fr the Unit DMM- the necessity to pray) - to build up my prayer life and at the same time getting I touch with the mission field..
But no lar.. So far not. Have Sub D prayer meet EVERY SUNDAY morning..which I'm already struggling to wake up early to go already..(although very blessed and ministered by a few times when God spoke directly to my situation - Trial part),

realised I need to shed things, which is not my skill or strenght to do so. (I am a keeper of things--I only throw them away until I find at least 98% of no use of it or strong bitting reasons to do so) - can see from my clothes cupboard, or my boxes of sch notes, books, some magazines etc. Same goes for activities..
Need to learn and change in this area!! Hmm..how..

With the start of the 2nd Hope Sem class almost every Saturday from 9-6pm (thank God for 4 and half week Only!!!) on top of the consistent night Monday classes (Church History) with WEEKLY studying for weekly quiz and reflection paper (deep Questions..), yes, find I don't have much time to do many things without being unfaithful to the things at hand..WON'T be effective If I don't focus!! But must come with discipline..tog with consistent proper time mgmt..hai..not easy..

Coz in between the classes, there are work to be done to fulfill the learning objectives. Last week or just end this week, I failed to do my reflection or website readings when the other classes started. End up concussed in early bed. Is it real physical tiredness or fake subconsious induced tiredness for escapism? I think partial. But body's really tired..

Jakarta Misssion (Short term/exposure) coming up, preparations to do.. (thought I confess outright I have not spent effort and time doing anything much in terms of this trip.. Or areas of contribution for the team, yet..)
Writing and preparation of personal testimonies to bless the church in Jakarta is one of our team effort.. And I haven't found time to do so.. And dateline is this WED!!!
3 testimonies.. But have thought of roughly the area of personal exp and convictions to share already.. Thank God for bringing it to mind..

ohya, also still need continue seek God whether i should take away BLM. i'm still very much held back.. although i struggle if i should let go.

CRM & a special Valentines

CRM
Not Client Relationship Management.

But CONFLICTS & RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT.

Conflicts in relationship. This is not my bowl of soup. It's like forcing myself to drink bitter soup/concoction.

Had a nice valentine day steamboat dinner with a few sisters from my church CG, and then dessert. (The food wasn't that nice but just enjoy the time tog.)
The brothers came with a surprise- each with a rose to bless the sisters. What a nice gesture..thanks to the bro who initiated or taught the rest!
However..It end with a conflict and me in a rut. With my sheep that is. With what she was trying to do which stems from how I relate to her and how she expects of me to be like. In terms of openess. Feel like I'm being thrown into a pool of mud. In my trying to be open, I was shot right in the head before I could warn her. Doing exactly what my mother did to me.

Anyway, certain things are my fault with lack of proper communication.

'Closing & starting over a new page' is a myth, I mean too ideal to achieve at this point.

Still in the process of working things out and the relationship. Relating. Crazy, headache, turmoil. Just some words to describe how I'm feeling when I just let my emotions go and focus on the problem.or not remaining in Christ.
Anyway, there has been conflicts since the beginning. And, God is letting me deal not only with relational conflicts but internal conflicts/issues.

It comes in a package. The TRIAL, Test & Training package from God. Phew.. Many areas to learn and grow from it. One thing is to juggle all this and still continue to serve God.

Praise the Lord! in the end! :) I'm half filled, mixed or flipping within joy & sorrow now..

'CONSIDER IT pure joy,..when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything'. James 1:3-5

That was last weeks verse for me to apply. Could dig into it or relate to it deeper now. When face trials of many kinds. Trial(S) they could come in many forms and also come together many at once..

I long for the fellowship of the Holy Spirit and the guidance of His Word. I need talk to somebody too..Shepherd not available till weekend..
Dear God…

Jesus He holds me together in one piece.

---------Valentines day this year at least I can remember---
Anyway,heart shaped Mon Cheri (Ferrero) chocolate from my boss! What a nice surprice. Anyway, he always gives gifts for birthdays, etc.

On the day before, after 16th day of CNY (I mean after CNY already..), received a surprise Ang Pao from another project manager. Really thank God for the unexpected blessings which really comes in handy in times of blessing others and in need.

Received Valentines greeting SMSes from Mike (dear collegue), Kin Wai,Jun Qiang, Spencer, Jason Kung, Eugene Teo. (What kept me wondering was that they all Christians! :) Also comfortable casual friends which seldom contact.)
Also got fr Yiping, Gwenda and of course some from email: bro Andrew, and collegue & fren.

Back to SG, back to work..

hai, back to work today..

no time to really blog. much.
I caught my Pride & Prejudice and Memoirs of Geisha show at Malacca, both on Wednesdays.
I managed to catch P&P, the last show of the day, and the last day of the show! after that no more! haha. and at only RM6! :)

P&P was wuite ok.. Mr. Darcy was still nice/good in the movie..as the one i caught on TV series. Really like this character..for dunno what reason.

Overall, glad I caught it. What caught me about this story by Jane Austen when I first watched it was the 'old' English they used (dunno what it's called), and also Elizabeth Bennet (Lizzy), the sisters and of course Mr. Darcy. The characters are charming.. and seeing how Lizzy had to overcome her prejudice of Mr. Darcy and Mr. Darcy overcome his pride (actually he's not..from this movie).. and in the end, they found that they truly love/like one another..
(I've bought the novel including a mini version, but has never read it except for a few pages. it's now gone somewhere in M'sia)

Geisha was good. Amazingly, my mum and dad ended watching Geisha together coz it was showing at the same timing as my P&P. I got my dad to accompany my mum watch Geisha, coz P&P would be too boring for my mum, and him! and watch movie for the sake of waiting for me in a sense..:P