back dated back dated and current.
no time to blog..
been thinking..
today there's still tinge of doubt of God in me..
but as long as I seek God about this doubt, i'm save and not sinning against Him..
---
Also, was excited about the coming May/June..
something to look forward to..
but on last Friday's prayer meet at TOUCH.. realized with deeper conviction to trust in Him and so not to be wavered by circumstances. or affected emotionally and spiritually.
Also, realize, that I am posing myself very possibly for a heartbreak! if i continue..
so, don't be hopeful or excited too much..? but to submit into His hands..not claiming things that is not mine..
bit difficult.. haiz.. need to control myself..from thinking too much. But focus on Him and building myself to serve Him and let Him mould me.
----
Friday, March 31, 2006
My Week's encounters
Last few days,or on Tue, accidently spotted a sister on my way to work on bus 99.
Sitting at the bus stop, the skin tone, the bag and clothing color and stly seems familiar.. i was turning my head or body 180 degrees from my bus seat actually.. she looked at me and in a split second became a look of that of recognization.. and i realise it's G/XL!!
ok, her hair grew a lot longer from my last image of her hence could not fully recognize her. And recently, i spotted many familiar faces in town, mrt..only to realize a few seconds later they're not the person i thought i know. Hence, dare not react too much when I spot a familiar face.. ;P
Even at Funan foodcourt on Tuesday, thot i saw a familiar face. ex-hostel mate. Kent.. he was ordering food and back facing me. I was waiting for him to turn around (but didn't) to verify my findings, but concluded he's most probably not..(telling Jasmine). Went to buy my food and a long time later, walked pass the table and he called me.. haha. And it's actually him.
So for this sis, only managed to point at her in amazement when our gaze exchange made me realise it's her, and the bus sped off. I wondered what she's doing at the Jurong East bus stop, as she lives in BoonLay.
i called her, but didn't pick up. So nvm. an hour later, she called me..and talked to me..about her situation..
wow..i wonder..it's been a year since i seen her.. or exchanged the last catch-up SMS..
She was and is now still going through a time of.. don't know how to describe.
bout of depression, confusion, fear, hallucinations/hearing voices, distorted, negative thots and thinking plus responses - which really immobilizes her--in terms of relating with people and studies.
but a bit or actually lots better, interms of seeking help n making decisions. Stronger now.
I'm quite proud n amaze at her for her perseverance, strenght and ability to think in ways that will help herself, even though it wavers back and forth, even her faith in God.
I thank God that at least i was able to speak some truth to her as her mind ponders back and forth, being attacked by Satan's scheme through the world's philosopies brought to her by different people.
I also pondered upon my learnings from Hope Sem, in area of people helping, pr being a people helper, not qualified to be counsellor yet..
that at least it's being put into good use now, or come in useful when necessary, applying my learnings (whatever i manage to capture or learn).
She was confiding in me started from mid 2004, and now it's 2006. Was bit shocked that she was still in the same condition, or plague by the same issues and struggles..
By by God's love and grace.. i know.. and assure her that God will make her well and help her overcome..
Yesterday (Thursday) was suppose to be my free day and have some agendas planned of things to do(including reflection homework.) But she called me, and ended up talking on my phone without my ear piece for 2 hours..and than right after my mum called..by time it's 10pm plus when i went up to my home (aunt's). bit frustrated coz my planned time to do something was eaten up..
But of course submitted to God and to be willing and glad to be used by Him to minister to someone in need..
the call ended in prayer for her. But the conclusion that she herself came about (which i'm thankful for and proud of her) after ALOT of fragments and deeps thoughts linking to past and present.. IS
1) To love herself unconditionally..
2) Know that God loves her unconditionally
3) to be humble, discicpline....(can't remember) to seek God or His word when
troubled with negative thoughts again
4) to focus on completeing her studies for now..
And if all else (efforts) fails, to go back to point 1 & 2..
Amen..
Sitting at the bus stop, the skin tone, the bag and clothing color and stly seems familiar.. i was turning my head or body 180 degrees from my bus seat actually.. she looked at me and in a split second became a look of that of recognization.. and i realise it's G/XL!!
ok, her hair grew a lot longer from my last image of her hence could not fully recognize her. And recently, i spotted many familiar faces in town, mrt..only to realize a few seconds later they're not the person i thought i know. Hence, dare not react too much when I spot a familiar face.. ;P
Even at Funan foodcourt on Tuesday, thot i saw a familiar face. ex-hostel mate. Kent.. he was ordering food and back facing me. I was waiting for him to turn around (but didn't) to verify my findings, but concluded he's most probably not..(telling Jasmine). Went to buy my food and a long time later, walked pass the table and he called me.. haha. And it's actually him.
So for this sis, only managed to point at her in amazement when our gaze exchange made me realise it's her, and the bus sped off. I wondered what she's doing at the Jurong East bus stop, as she lives in BoonLay.
i called her, but didn't pick up. So nvm. an hour later, she called me..and talked to me..about her situation..
wow..i wonder..it's been a year since i seen her.. or exchanged the last catch-up SMS..
She was and is now still going through a time of.. don't know how to describe.
bout of depression, confusion, fear, hallucinations/hearing voices, distorted, negative thots and thinking plus responses - which really immobilizes her--in terms of relating with people and studies.
but a bit or actually lots better, interms of seeking help n making decisions. Stronger now.
I'm quite proud n amaze at her for her perseverance, strenght and ability to think in ways that will help herself, even though it wavers back and forth, even her faith in God.
I thank God that at least i was able to speak some truth to her as her mind ponders back and forth, being attacked by Satan's scheme through the world's philosopies brought to her by different people.
I also pondered upon my learnings from Hope Sem, in area of people helping, pr being a people helper, not qualified to be counsellor yet..
that at least it's being put into good use now, or come in useful when necessary, applying my learnings (whatever i manage to capture or learn).
She was confiding in me started from mid 2004, and now it's 2006. Was bit shocked that she was still in the same condition, or plague by the same issues and struggles..
By by God's love and grace.. i know.. and assure her that God will make her well and help her overcome..
Yesterday (Thursday) was suppose to be my free day and have some agendas planned of things to do(including reflection homework.) But she called me, and ended up talking on my phone without my ear piece for 2 hours..and than right after my mum called..by time it's 10pm plus when i went up to my home (aunt's). bit frustrated coz my planned time to do something was eaten up..
But of course submitted to God and to be willing and glad to be used by Him to minister to someone in need..
the call ended in prayer for her. But the conclusion that she herself came about (which i'm thankful for and proud of her) after ALOT of fragments and deeps thoughts linking to past and present.. IS
1) To love herself unconditionally..
2) Know that God loves her unconditionally
3) to be humble, discicpline....(can't remember) to seek God or His word when
troubled with negative thoughts again
4) to focus on completeing her studies for now..
And if all else (efforts) fails, to go back to point 1 & 2..
Amen..
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
3M - MARRIAGE, MISSIONS & MINISTRY - and a shaken faith
No not the 3M Innovation company.
I've re-named it Missionaries, their ministries & marriages.
Was reading biography of William Carey termed 'Father of Modern Missions' who initiated he first Protestant Missions arm through his firwst writing ' An Enquiry To The Obligations of Christians in Using Means for the Conversion of Heathens'. His life, work and humble example resulted in advancement in missionary work in many continents elsewhere which accomplishments outweighs and exceeds his own in India.
And halfway reading through (Last week, now done) J. Hudson Taylor's life embarking on mission to China, Inland China..
Both didn't potray good, easy, smooth and luxurious life, but suffered hardship, ill-living conditions, 2 dead children (William Carey) a deranged wife, death wives (2 death wives for William Carey), ministry conflicts and financial hardship.
...The reality of life.
There was also Jim Elliot, the young martyr together with 4 others which approached the Equadorian hostile Auca tribe with the gospel.
All risks their lives for the sake of doing God's will and bringing the gospel to all tribe, nation and toungue. Although they died, but his wife (Elizabeth Elliot) and the other martyr's wife Rachel Saint successfully brought in the gospel to this virgin tribe.
Reading the stories of these people and the turn around and outcome of their lives, my view and the fact about God is good (previous week’s CG teaching) was challenged.
Doubts about God’s goodness crept in ..
What we do not know from the factual and biographies of those person are their personal prayers and relationship with God.
'you do not know what i've spoken or my relationship with them behind the books you read..'
that's what God spoke to my heart when i seeked Him concerning my wavered heart and mind concerning His character of goodness..and reality.. at last Friday's Easter Breakthrough prayer meeting at TOUCH Community centre.
So i decided to pray for breakthrough in this area.. and also the area of trust in Him for things in my life that bothered me. Bothers me coz i do not trust in Him.
To trust in Him and not swayed by circumstances or things i see or perceive.
Realize i need to put my breakthrough prayer into action. And since my faith wavered, decided to act in terms of giving the Breakthrough pledge/giving. THe additional amount which i've yet to give in advance. delayed for weeks due to busyness and reluctancy and uncertainty.. What if.. Is it.. really.. how can..crazy..
Last July or August I didn't managed to pluck up the courage and conscience to pull out the amount of giving that God impressed upon my heart. The testing of my faith..to another level. Upon reasoning and thinking much, I didn't do the unthinkable.. which is to give the entire savings amount i have in my bank account. not only were they savings, they were to be channeled to initial Study loan repayment, Hope Sem..etc etc spendings needed..and cashflow of course.
So in the end after long struggle, I gave at a lower faith level giving. A practical and safer margin. So, probably no breakthrough for me in this area of faith and trust in God.
However, in my heart, i still wanted to give the remaining sum to add up to the amount that was impressed upon me. And upon that, the 2nd opportunity or 2nd leg of the Breakthrough campaign was announced! ok great.. God opens 2nd opportunity for me to give now..
But upon reviewing my account.. realized that not long before and after bonus came..
(by Dec, Jan, Feb..) much was already spent! especially Christmas, CNY period, and remaining for Mission trip and church camp??
left none for.. my loan! and what bout Breakthrough giving!
argh, and even if i shift those to be charged to my saving account, still, i had not much left to split between Study loan and giving.. how ar..
by Thursday (30 March) I've shared my testimony in CG on my faith giving..
right circumstance, right opportunity so i decided to multipy the blessings by (hopefully) encouraging the others to give to God..
On the last Sunday, i decided to (quickly) give to God by faith now, and since my faith wavered, giving at this point in time will really be a faith giving.. And I really want to experience a breakthrough..to know and experience His love, goodness and protection and providence..to another level..that I can really trust Him..
What amazed me was that the amount I gave this 2nd leg was the EXACT estimated amount (that TK mentioned in CG on that Thurs..)to reach the goal this quarter to pay of debt, if EVERYONE contributes that amount..
so by this, i've fulfilled my part..in my means, and hope to encourage others to do the same..
my testimony ended by.. umm..it's not fully a testimony yet where God's working of a miracle or something came about by my giving.
Haha
But for myself..i already see a breakthrough in my first step of faith and what I go through with God now..
I've re-named it Missionaries, their ministries & marriages.
Was reading biography of William Carey termed 'Father of Modern Missions' who initiated he first Protestant Missions arm through his firwst writing ' An Enquiry To The Obligations of Christians in Using Means for the Conversion of Heathens'. His life, work and humble example resulted in advancement in missionary work in many continents elsewhere which accomplishments outweighs and exceeds his own in India.
And halfway reading through (Last week, now done) J. Hudson Taylor's life embarking on mission to China, Inland China..
Both didn't potray good, easy, smooth and luxurious life, but suffered hardship, ill-living conditions, 2 dead children (William Carey) a deranged wife, death wives (2 death wives for William Carey), ministry conflicts and financial hardship.
...The reality of life.
There was also Jim Elliot, the young martyr together with 4 others which approached the Equadorian hostile Auca tribe with the gospel.
All risks their lives for the sake of doing God's will and bringing the gospel to all tribe, nation and toungue. Although they died, but his wife (Elizabeth Elliot) and the other martyr's wife Rachel Saint successfully brought in the gospel to this virgin tribe.
Reading the stories of these people and the turn around and outcome of their lives, my view and the fact about God is good (previous week’s CG teaching) was challenged.
Doubts about God’s goodness crept in ..
What we do not know from the factual and biographies of those person are their personal prayers and relationship with God.
'you do not know what i've spoken or my relationship with them behind the books you read..'
that's what God spoke to my heart when i seeked Him concerning my wavered heart and mind concerning His character of goodness..and reality.. at last Friday's Easter Breakthrough prayer meeting at TOUCH Community centre.
So i decided to pray for breakthrough in this area.. and also the area of trust in Him for things in my life that bothered me. Bothers me coz i do not trust in Him.
To trust in Him and not swayed by circumstances or things i see or perceive.
Realize i need to put my breakthrough prayer into action. And since my faith wavered, decided to act in terms of giving the Breakthrough pledge/giving. THe additional amount which i've yet to give in advance. delayed for weeks due to busyness and reluctancy and uncertainty.. What if.. Is it.. really.. how can..crazy..
Last July or August I didn't managed to pluck up the courage and conscience to pull out the amount of giving that God impressed upon my heart. The testing of my faith..to another level. Upon reasoning and thinking much, I didn't do the unthinkable.. which is to give the entire savings amount i have in my bank account. not only were they savings, they were to be channeled to initial Study loan repayment, Hope Sem..etc etc spendings needed..and cashflow of course.
So in the end after long struggle, I gave at a lower faith level giving. A practical and safer margin. So, probably no breakthrough for me in this area of faith and trust in God.
However, in my heart, i still wanted to give the remaining sum to add up to the amount that was impressed upon me. And upon that, the 2nd opportunity or 2nd leg of the Breakthrough campaign was announced! ok great.. God opens 2nd opportunity for me to give now..
But upon reviewing my account.. realized that not long before and after bonus came..
(by Dec, Jan, Feb..) much was already spent! especially Christmas, CNY period, and remaining for Mission trip and church camp??
left none for.. my loan! and what bout Breakthrough giving!
argh, and even if i shift those to be charged to my saving account, still, i had not much left to split between Study loan and giving.. how ar..
by Thursday (30 March) I've shared my testimony in CG on my faith giving..
right circumstance, right opportunity so i decided to multipy the blessings by (hopefully) encouraging the others to give to God..
On the last Sunday, i decided to (quickly) give to God by faith now, and since my faith wavered, giving at this point in time will really be a faith giving.. And I really want to experience a breakthrough..to know and experience His love, goodness and protection and providence..to another level..that I can really trust Him..
What amazed me was that the amount I gave this 2nd leg was the EXACT estimated amount (that TK mentioned in CG on that Thurs..)to reach the goal this quarter to pay of debt, if EVERYONE contributes that amount..
so by this, i've fulfilled my part..in my means, and hope to encourage others to do the same..
my testimony ended by.. umm..it's not fully a testimony yet where God's working of a miracle or something came about by my giving.
Haha
But for myself..i already see a breakthrough in my first step of faith and what I go through with God now..
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
moments of stress..
Grr.. Frustrated frustrated..
My new collegue administrator has still not gotten her email account after like 3 weeks!!
And even so she's suppose to be taking half of all the projects into her hands, releasing my burden and workload,
all emails and task still come to me and so many thing's still coming to me and plus added new task and responsibilities..
Driving me crazy man!!!!!!
Patience patience and working wise is what I need..
Dying liao..major task dead lline coming but so many things coming in crazy!
God please help me sustain and overcome!
In victory. In Jesus name. amen
-------------------
after writing this, i worte an email to my boss (who's forever busy also) to ask him bout my collegue's email and comp. and apparently the request was lost and now it'll take at least next week or 2 weeks later..
i also asked him if he would like to discuss the handling of a major closing project (as he's initiated to discuss it before but didn't get ard to do it)
i highlighted the need for support and organization to do it as other project demands are not giving way or time for me to do it.
----------------
Now not that stress
---------------
in my midst of busyness and coping with Hope Sem assigments, ministry
have miss good time with God.. and reading His Word unrushed! or at all a few verses
thank you Lord for all Your goodness
-----------------
I love this life I share with You
Freely I give to You
I choose to live for You...
(Have Your Way - Ollie Sebastian- Paradise) :)
great if can fully live this out!!!
My new collegue administrator has still not gotten her email account after like 3 weeks!!
And even so she's suppose to be taking half of all the projects into her hands, releasing my burden and workload,
all emails and task still come to me and so many thing's still coming to me and plus added new task and responsibilities..
Driving me crazy man!!!!!!
Patience patience and working wise is what I need..
Dying liao..major task dead lline coming but so many things coming in crazy!
God please help me sustain and overcome!
In victory. In Jesus name. amen
-------------------
after writing this, i worte an email to my boss (who's forever busy also) to ask him bout my collegue's email and comp. and apparently the request was lost and now it'll take at least next week or 2 weeks later..
i also asked him if he would like to discuss the handling of a major closing project (as he's initiated to discuss it before but didn't get ard to do it)
i highlighted the need for support and organization to do it as other project demands are not giving way or time for me to do it.
----------------
Now not that stress
---------------
in my midst of busyness and coping with Hope Sem assigments, ministry
have miss good time with God.. and reading His Word unrushed! or at all a few verses
thank you Lord for all Your goodness
-----------------
I love this life I share with You
Freely I give to You
I choose to live for You...
(Have Your Way - Ollie Sebastian- Paradise) :)
great if can fully live this out!!!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Back from Jakarta (Short Term Mission) trip, 9-12 March 2006
the Team that went to Jakarta. Jeremy missing from pic. (more pics not ready)
The Team reaching Sukarno Hatta Airport, Jakarta
Lets Make Disciples...
Of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. (the promise: And surely I am with you to the very end of age). – Matthew 28:19-20
This is the Father’s Great Commision to His people, His nation, the redeemed and the Holy nation. All Christians.. who calls themselves Christian and truly a Christ follower at heart, mind and soul.
If anyone would follow after me, He must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.. -Luke 9:23/Mark 8:34/Matthew 16:24
This trip to Jakarta has inspired me and deepen my conviction to want to do my part, or added value to what I am trying to do here..
As I see the other brothers and sisters faithfully labouring to make disciples and build His church in their land. Some from other land.
These are the saints at work in Jakarta, Indonesia.
Commended for their faith and faithfulness up till now is Pastor Mariska (a convicted, strong preacher, and disciplined woman of God), and the other servant leaders supporting her.. Lydia, Mariati, Yessi, Bro Yovan, Sammy.. those who’s devotion to Christ inspires me. Of course there are many others.
Pastor Kwang Lie (Hope JB) wholeheartedness to live for Christ.
Just as there are many who are wholeheartedly or faithfully serving God, many are those who are not. And it is God’s heart to see more lives transform, to love and adore Him more, than any other thing in the world. A heart for God will cause us to want to serve Him.
Visi Kami:
Memenuhi Amanat Agung dengan membentuk jemaat yang kuat dan Alkitabiah, untuk membangun gereja local yang kuat dan alkitabiah di Jakarta, Indonesia dan diseluruh dunia. (Matius 28:18-20)
Our Vision (Hope):
To fulfill the Great Commission (in our lifetime) by building strong and biblical people to plant strong and biblical churches in …Singapore…. and all over the world!
Yes and amen! It renews my heart conviction to do my part in my capacity now to influence life (to make disciples)..
And to increase my capacity to serve Him more of course!
As what pastor Kwong Lie shared in his teaching/impartation on the first day leadership meeting:
I need to be more Disciplined, Decisive and Bold!! To motivate and mobilize people to serve Him.
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