my 'nightmare' is like coming to pass..
the Devil's trap..
how, should I let myself fall and entangle myself while I see it coming? where ever those that comes from intuition, mere feelings..or prophecy
what i fear selfishly is coming true..
God help me..
To look to You..
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life..
-Proverbs 4:23 !!!!
Was asking where's my SWORD?? (the WORD of God) (hah, just realise SWORD = Spirit+ WORD??)
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart
- Hebrews 4:12
Here it is..
And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again -2 Corinthians 5:15
it's a war..
this is an internal struggle..the Spirit VS the flesh (heart&mind)
it's funny, how when you have to pray or do things (God's will) against your own will, or feelings. Not that I will it but it is the will that comes from within your heart. That cause you to be in conflict.
I can pray for it, nor agaisnt it (as it will not be God's will). Hence I pray for God's will to be done..
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?-Jeremiah 17:9
For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. - Galatians 5:17
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature .- Galatians 5:16
Yea..i know..but that's not easy..
So, what needs to be done is to SURRENDER…
Not easy too.. (though last time it 'was' to me..)
What does it mean to die with Jesus? When He died for all (and for me..)
Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him - 2 Timothy 2:11
Dying to self..dying to sin.. But yet sin is alive. But yet, we are also alive in Christ who has risen. IF we die to ourself..
In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.-Romans 6:11-14
The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. Romans 6:10
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
2 Corinthians 3-5
Read 2 Corinthians today..
2 Corinthians 3
14But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. 15Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. 16But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 4
1Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.
....
8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
.....
14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
......
18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 5
14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. ....
17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ....
20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=54&chapter=3&version=31
worshipped with 2 songs ++, prayed only a little
finished the 1hour in no time.wonder why time pass so fast..
no time to pray longer..
2 Corinthians 3
14But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. 15Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. 16But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 4
1Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.
....
8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
.....
14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
......
18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 5
14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. ....
17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ....
20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=54&chapter=3&version=31
worshipped with 2 songs ++, prayed only a little
finished the 1hour in no time.wonder why time pass so fast..
no time to pray longer..
Friday, April 21, 2006
Here I Stand..when I can't stand..
19-20 April 06
Holy One prince of Peace,
Great and mighty is Your name!
All I need is found in You!
Come and touch my heart again..
I will lift my hands to You (2x)
Here I stand.. Lord I pray..
Let your glory fill this place..
Here I worship touching heaven
Lord I long to see Your face
Here I stand..
guess what, a song that helps me look to God in lousy/down/troubled times..
Here I Stand
the previous day i was like writing this:
Sin keeps clinging to me,
I can't remove, yet how I love it even, to get my self out of the rut
But how can this be? That You are Holy, and I'm not..
I do not want.
God, throw me into the pool of Your presence
And wash me clean. That I'll never be far from you again
If it's possible, shower and wet me with our Rain
Holy Spirit come in and fill my heart
make me whole again,
to see Your face
By the Power of Your Name.
------
On Hindisght up till present
For the past few weeks (end march or early April), incidents and things have triggered me, in my heart and mind - hurts, jealousy,..and i don't know what.(was trying to find the root cause again)
to the point i close my heart that God can't come in to minister and take over.
I see even my heart hardening towards God. the period of selfishness, disobedience and the sinful nature rules over.
No Christ in me. There is some, as there is some tiny hole/slit of Him to slip in..
One major thing is the hurt. I know i'll break down if i bare my heart and wounds to God. hence i close up. No time to cry, Not enough time to be ministered esp in corporate worships. That's why i see my heart hardening.
-------
But of course by Easter 16 April, and over Good Friday God has done a marvelous thing..
He has brought me to experience His goodness and to boldly proclaim that He is great! (= good) and He is WISE!!..
Easter I was brought back to the cross.. and over the 3 days itself, i have 3 answered prayers cum miracle!!
no time to blog..
yeah, PTL!!
GOd is good and wise..
(although at present i still feel lousy and haven't been fully renewed)
to be con't
Holy One prince of Peace,
Great and mighty is Your name!
All I need is found in You!
Come and touch my heart again..
I will lift my hands to You (2x)
Here I stand.. Lord I pray..
Let your glory fill this place..
Here I worship touching heaven
Lord I long to see Your face
Here I stand..
guess what, a song that helps me look to God in lousy/down/troubled times..
Here I Stand
the previous day i was like writing this:
Sin keeps clinging to me,
I can't remove, yet how I love it even, to get my self out of the rut
But how can this be? That You are Holy, and I'm not..
I do not want.
God, throw me into the pool of Your presence
And wash me clean. That I'll never be far from you again
If it's possible, shower and wet me with our Rain
Holy Spirit come in and fill my heart
make me whole again,
to see Your face
By the Power of Your Name.
------
On Hindisght up till present
For the past few weeks (end march or early April), incidents and things have triggered me, in my heart and mind - hurts, jealousy,..and i don't know what.(was trying to find the root cause again)
to the point i close my heart that God can't come in to minister and take over.
I see even my heart hardening towards God. the period of selfishness, disobedience and the sinful nature rules over.
No Christ in me. There is some, as there is some tiny hole/slit of Him to slip in..
One major thing is the hurt. I know i'll break down if i bare my heart and wounds to God. hence i close up. No time to cry, Not enough time to be ministered esp in corporate worships. That's why i see my heart hardening.
-------
But of course by Easter 16 April, and over Good Friday God has done a marvelous thing..
He has brought me to experience His goodness and to boldly proclaim that He is great! (= good) and He is WISE!!..
Easter I was brought back to the cross.. and over the 3 days itself, i have 3 answered prayers cum miracle!!
no time to blog..
yeah, PTL!!
GOd is good and wise..
(although at present i still feel lousy and haven't been fully renewed)
to be con't
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Headache.. Tea & sleep..
Having headache for the 2nd day at work! Minor one. Seldom get headaches unless, real stressed up or just something wrong. And I also usually don't get menstrual cramps!
Am I stressed up? Yesterday was bit and understandable. Many things come in at same time and everyone and every task demanding your attention. (from calls, email and to in-person). WAITT!!!!
Of course no one waits. Crazy. But that's the usual case at work. So I need to keep my pace and by God's grace finish impt stuff by datelines. In fact need to learn organization, managing priorities etc. etc. plus do things faster. But can't. Bit distracted at work this past few weeks or days.
Anyway, bought 10 packs of English tea!! Haha. Had the first Darjeeling. Not bad.
I drink them without/(with little if at all) sugar le..
Encountered English tea some months back.. And discovered they're SOOTHING.. to the Soul…
In times of stress, and when you're sad..
Office HAD the Harrods Knightbrigde brand and currently still have the Royal Kensington breakfast tea..
Well.. Enjoyed them.
Not to mention. I slept at 8.30pm yesterday! All the way, until Jeremy called at 10pm plus to discuss Gd Fri plans. Ok, that was a planned appointment. And I set my alarm clock at 10pm but obviously I didn't wake. And then..'grr'..got a call from bro YX at 12AM midnight to update me programmes! Not that I was angry. Just that I was in my deep nice sleep! Anyway, postpone to another time. Usually ppl call me I'm ok one..and coz usually I don't sleep that early. Depends who calls too yeah. My mum call to nag, not welcomed.;P. But still waiting for the day of my prince's MIDNIGHT call. Then I can turn into Cinderella already..kekeke. Thank God I put an early disclaimer! (with God). Phew.. Else..
Woke up 7am ++ and still feel sleepy/can't wake up kind feeling as usual.
Something wrong? It's either substitutionary (lack of sleep) sleep or escapism sleep.
I think both. But I feel more of physical tired first, so sleep first, refresh so can seek God. What an excuse..No energy to seek Him now.. Blog more bout this next time.
Feeling bit sick now.
Realised I've been answering phone calls very WEAKLY too now and recently. "hello..."
symptoms symptoms...
Am I stressed up? Yesterday was bit and understandable. Many things come in at same time and everyone and every task demanding your attention. (from calls, email and to in-person). WAITT!!!!
Of course no one waits. Crazy. But that's the usual case at work. So I need to keep my pace and by God's grace finish impt stuff by datelines. In fact need to learn organization, managing priorities etc. etc. plus do things faster. But can't. Bit distracted at work this past few weeks or days.
Anyway, bought 10 packs of English tea!! Haha. Had the first Darjeeling. Not bad.
I drink them without/(with little if at all) sugar le..
Encountered English tea some months back.. And discovered they're SOOTHING.. to the Soul…
In times of stress, and when you're sad..
Office HAD the Harrods Knightbrigde brand and currently still have the Royal Kensington breakfast tea..
Well.. Enjoyed them.
Not to mention. I slept at 8.30pm yesterday! All the way, until Jeremy called at 10pm plus to discuss Gd Fri plans. Ok, that was a planned appointment. And I set my alarm clock at 10pm but obviously I didn't wake. And then..'grr'..got a call from bro YX at 12AM midnight to update me programmes! Not that I was angry. Just that I was in my deep nice sleep! Anyway, postpone to another time. Usually ppl call me I'm ok one..and coz usually I don't sleep that early. Depends who calls too yeah. My mum call to nag, not welcomed.;P. But still waiting for the day of my prince's MIDNIGHT call. Then I can turn into Cinderella already..kekeke. Thank God I put an early disclaimer! (with God). Phew.. Else..
Woke up 7am ++ and still feel sleepy/can't wake up kind feeling as usual.
Something wrong? It's either substitutionary (lack of sleep) sleep or escapism sleep.
I think both. But I feel more of physical tired first, so sleep first, refresh so can seek God. What an excuse..No energy to seek Him now.. Blog more bout this next time.
Feeling bit sick now.
Realised I've been answering phone calls very WEAKLY too now and recently. "hello..."
symptoms symptoms...
Calling Taiwan & Korea Part II --to Calling My & SG nightmare! ok challenge..
just some updates..
Anyway, thank God for the Korea sites and Taiwan sites calling. Got sufficient (and now actually auto in-coming and overwhelming!) feedback for Korea (only additional ones to F.Up) and for Taiwan my dear collegue is helping to F.Up.
But I managed to speak or try speaking to the Taiwanese nurses or ppl. And that was great experience! Not to mention Korea, they were funny (did I jot that one staff gave me the tel no. of the police station when they couldn't understand me and vice-versa??)
But actually very nice hearing them speak Korean, managed to speak to the Docs whom speak English and everything was quite smooth! Got the feedback in quite fast.
But before that was done, my boss already entrust me to more MY and SG sites!! You think they're better? Not only that you think SG'reans complain but Malaysian doctors too! Hah..all more fussy and big headed. Koreans seems more polite.]
Actually by now, should have gotten enough feedback from Taiwan sites to feedback to the UK personnel for the client! PTL!
But haiz..the MY & SG sites are killing me. I don't like to make phone calls already.. yet so many to follow-up. And suddenly a Confidentiality Agreement doc pops up today and need to get those settled as well. Not easy contacting the people there who's not necessarily there to pick up your phone, faxing, making sure the right person get the thing, getting the faxes back. call here call there and you have to go through many lines. Need Your grace again my dear God.. these are not the only things i need to do.
Anyway, thank God for the Korea sites and Taiwan sites calling. Got sufficient (and now actually auto in-coming and overwhelming!) feedback for Korea (only additional ones to F.Up) and for Taiwan my dear collegue is helping to F.Up.
But I managed to speak or try speaking to the Taiwanese nurses or ppl. And that was great experience! Not to mention Korea, they were funny (did I jot that one staff gave me the tel no. of the police station when they couldn't understand me and vice-versa??)
But actually very nice hearing them speak Korean, managed to speak to the Docs whom speak English and everything was quite smooth! Got the feedback in quite fast.
But before that was done, my boss already entrust me to more MY and SG sites!! You think they're better? Not only that you think SG'reans complain but Malaysian doctors too! Hah..all more fussy and big headed. Koreans seems more polite.]
Actually by now, should have gotten enough feedback from Taiwan sites to feedback to the UK personnel for the client! PTL!
But haiz..the MY & SG sites are killing me. I don't like to make phone calls already.. yet so many to follow-up. And suddenly a Confidentiality Agreement doc pops up today and need to get those settled as well. Not easy contacting the people there who's not necessarily there to pick up your phone, faxing, making sure the right person get the thing, getting the faxes back. call here call there and you have to go through many lines. Need Your grace again my dear God.. these are not the only things i need to do.
Monday, April 10, 2006
End of Life & Counting My blessings part II
1) Oh yeah, the additional part is (which I shared in CG) thankgiving rather than testimony is about the company I'm in. (A drug development Services Company)
My friend told me, you must really thank God because He blessed you to be in this company. It is the biggest or most established CRO (Contract Research Organization)
Compared to the others. Not easy to get in at any time you like. Need right time, right opportunity and right opening with matching company needs and experience to offer . And rather usually they'll take in direct experienced personnel. But at least I got the opportunity to learn from scratch to be a Clinical Research Associate. Not that this is my dream or ambition, but at least when I reach that level in a few years, the role will put me in high demand (in this currrent niche CRO industy) and I can go anywhere..easily. Hopefully. Anyway, Right from the beginning, I've thank God for bringing me into this job area or clinical trials/studues which I never knew or am aware before. It is not a lab job. More of trial management. And secondly it is quite a good, expanding US MNC with good environment and bosses. And very near my home!
Last Fri 7th April the company celebrated its 10th Anniversary with guest of Honor Senior Minister of State (for Info.. … ..& Health) Dr. Balaji. S. Hightlight was ONLY speeches & than the lab tour for the clients, guest and media.
Deborah Tanner the VP for CLS was stunning. High profile, young and her speech was like those you hear on movie. For a while I thought.
Anyway, sense that my director who organize it is more concerned with personal & company publicity & profile projection. Anyway, she's the Client Relationship Director. Part of her job and good job done! Coz..today she sent out an email that we were featured in Channel News Asia and 5 local & regional newspapers.(ST, BT,Today,Lian He ZaoBao...)
2) Pay increment. Finally got a pay increment!
got a 4.5%. Oh ok.. Thanks.. Calculated, increment of ard 80 bucks. Ok.. Not too much to meet my 'hope'. Wait for promotion time then.
My collegue was tellling me it should be coming in March. Don't know what to expect. I really pray to God for a higher amount. I told God. Please give me like up to 2.5K salary coz that what I'll need. to be sufficiently happy and comfortable. (My fren/sis who went in earlier but another dept got ard that as a starting pay. But I got a very much lower pay. Less than 2k. I reminded myself not to compare then). But anway, with my current pay, it's just sufficiently enough for me to pay up everything, save 10%, and not much to spend lavishly at all.. At least on food. that's why I survived within my budget.
Few frens shared to me that that was actually a very high increment %. Huh.. Is it? Oh ok..
Better not go around complaining else ppl smack you. Coz usually the increment that ppl get is ard 2%-3+% only. Yeah, my boss told me previously it was like 3.0% +.
Oh ok.. Anyway, yeah thank God for my increment lah! With it, thought just nice for me to afford to sign-up for my broadband and a additional phone line at my aunts house for my use. But I'm afraid they might complain…so haven't acted on it. also, am I spending wisely..?? Think I'll really need to get the internet up soon though.. But once sign up 2 year contract, have to pay to commit 2 years to the payment.
3) My digi cam that my bro bought me (Olympus) from my migrated cousins showed a blurred viewing screen. And when I take picutures, it's also blurred..
Aiyah.. What happen, also threatening to end its life? My bro bought it for RM700-800 leh.. Not cheap to buy a junk.
So, gonna ask around and trouble shoot to get it fixed. Can't take my cactus photos for now..and can't find the old photo of it also! Disappereared!
Thanksgiving. I have a digi cam at all.. Hai. If it's spoilt maybe God'll bless me with my desired slimmer, smaller, lighter version! Don't like heavy stuffs!
Haha. :(
My friend told me, you must really thank God because He blessed you to be in this company. It is the biggest or most established CRO (Contract Research Organization)
Compared to the others. Not easy to get in at any time you like. Need right time, right opportunity and right opening with matching company needs and experience to offer . And rather usually they'll take in direct experienced personnel. But at least I got the opportunity to learn from scratch to be a Clinical Research Associate. Not that this is my dream or ambition, but at least when I reach that level in a few years, the role will put me in high demand (in this currrent niche CRO industy) and I can go anywhere..easily. Hopefully. Anyway, Right from the beginning, I've thank God for bringing me into this job area or clinical trials/studues which I never knew or am aware before. It is not a lab job. More of trial management. And secondly it is quite a good, expanding US MNC with good environment and bosses. And very near my home!
Last Fri 7th April the company celebrated its 10th Anniversary with guest of Honor Senior Minister of State (for Info.. … ..& Health) Dr. Balaji. S. Hightlight was ONLY speeches & than the lab tour for the clients, guest and media.
Deborah Tanner the VP for CLS was stunning. High profile, young and her speech was like those you hear on movie. For a while I thought.
Anyway, sense that my director who organize it is more concerned with personal & company publicity & profile projection. Anyway, she's the Client Relationship Director. Part of her job and good job done! Coz..today she sent out an email that we were featured in Channel News Asia and 5 local & regional newspapers.(ST, BT,Today,Lian He ZaoBao...)
2) Pay increment. Finally got a pay increment!
got a 4.5%. Oh ok.. Thanks.. Calculated, increment of ard 80 bucks. Ok.. Not too much to meet my 'hope'. Wait for promotion time then.
My collegue was tellling me it should be coming in March. Don't know what to expect. I really pray to God for a higher amount. I told God. Please give me like up to 2.5K salary coz that what I'll need. to be sufficiently happy and comfortable. (My fren/sis who went in earlier but another dept got ard that as a starting pay. But I got a very much lower pay. Less than 2k. I reminded myself not to compare then). But anway, with my current pay, it's just sufficiently enough for me to pay up everything, save 10%, and not much to spend lavishly at all.. At least on food. that's why I survived within my budget.
Few frens shared to me that that was actually a very high increment %. Huh.. Is it? Oh ok..
Better not go around complaining else ppl smack you. Coz usually the increment that ppl get is ard 2%-3+% only. Yeah, my boss told me previously it was like 3.0% +.
Oh ok.. Anyway, yeah thank God for my increment lah! With it, thought just nice for me to afford to sign-up for my broadband and a additional phone line at my aunts house for my use. But I'm afraid they might complain…so haven't acted on it. also, am I spending wisely..?? Think I'll really need to get the internet up soon though.. But once sign up 2 year contract, have to pay to commit 2 years to the payment.
3) My digi cam that my bro bought me (Olympus) from my migrated cousins showed a blurred viewing screen. And when I take picutures, it's also blurred..
Aiyah.. What happen, also threatening to end its life? My bro bought it for RM700-800 leh.. Not cheap to buy a junk.
So, gonna ask around and trouble shoot to get it fixed. Can't take my cactus photos for now..and can't find the old photo of it also! Disappereared!
Thanksgiving. I have a digi cam at all.. Hai. If it's spoilt maybe God'll bless me with my desired slimmer, smaller, lighter version! Don't like heavy stuffs!
Haha. :(
Friday, April 07, 2006
Calling Korea and Taiwan!!!
Wahh.. Challenging, assigned by my boss to call up Korea and Taiwan sites (Doctors!/hospitals) for Feasibility Study/ Questionaire.
Jialat.. Challenging man. My mandarin is tested. Cannot MI. Ask my collegue for help.
Korea people only speaks Korean.. How?
Only the doctors maybe the only one who can speak English. Pray it'll work.
Have deadline to meet.. Stressedd…!!!
Taiwan, gotta use Mandarin.. Not the usual kind of language or vocab I use!!
..Yi siang ling chuang Shi Yen.. (a clinical study/trial).. Phew.
Really pray God can help me through!!
Not much time left
Jialat.. Challenging man. My mandarin is tested. Cannot MI. Ask my collegue for help.
Korea people only speaks Korean.. How?
Only the doctors maybe the only one who can speak English. Pray it'll work.
Have deadline to meet.. Stressedd…!!!
Taiwan, gotta use Mandarin.. Not the usual kind of language or vocab I use!!
..Yi siang ling chuang Shi Yen.. (a clinical study/trial).. Phew.
Really pray God can help me through!!
Not much time left
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Reconciling myself back to God..some more..
From last week end till now,
i was wavering between my carnal self (evil thoughts, evil responses) and going back to God. (Not remaining in Christ).
through out, things which God reminded me:
unconditional love..
also kept reminded of the breakthrough prophecy given in church on Sun service. hang on some more..coz the breakthrough is coming!!
(what breakthrough?!?!)
Also, realized why the bad things happen, i mean in myself caught in such responses is that, i haven't been fasting & praying for it!
ohya, forgot tonight i'll fast and pray.(try to pray!)
OK, just nice. Came across sis Chai choo's blog with this prayer that caught me:
Father, may our eyes of our hearts be enlightened to see Your revelation of Your purpose in our lives,
let not our own minds, and knowldge to say that we think the best ,
let not our hearts be obsitnate towards what You would tell us. many times, our hearts convinced ourselves into what is the best for us, but yet we have block out what You would really want us to do.
Father pray for Your grace and mercy to bring us back to Your heart, refreshed us with a tender heart and new spirit to obey not according to our convinced minds, but according to Your thoughts and ways.
Give us the courage to admit we are proud on our own, to surrender to You in exchange for Your peace of Christ that will rule in our hearts.
i was wavering between my carnal self (evil thoughts, evil responses) and going back to God. (Not remaining in Christ).
through out, things which God reminded me:
unconditional love..
also kept reminded of the breakthrough prophecy given in church on Sun service. hang on some more..coz the breakthrough is coming!!
(what breakthrough?!?!)
Also, realized why the bad things happen, i mean in myself caught in such responses is that, i haven't been fasting & praying for it!
ohya, forgot tonight i'll fast and pray.(try to pray!)
OK, just nice. Came across sis Chai choo's blog with this prayer that caught me:
Father, may our eyes of our hearts be enlightened to see Your revelation of Your purpose in our lives,
let not our own minds, and knowldge to say that we think the best ,
let not our hearts be obsitnate towards what You would tell us. many times, our hearts convinced ourselves into what is the best for us, but yet we have block out what You would really want us to do.
Father pray for Your grace and mercy to bring us back to Your heart, refreshed us with a tender heart and new spirit to obey not according to our convinced minds, but according to Your thoughts and ways.
Give us the courage to admit we are proud on our own, to surrender to You in exchange for Your peace of Christ that will rule in our hearts.
End of Life & Counting my Blessings
Life came to and end:
1. My SONY Discman.. Which served me for 4 years plus or 5…sob sob. now no more CD player to play CD in my room.
But, I just realized it's my bro who bought/paid that for me back then.. How blessed..
2. My Adidas pink water bottle is threatening to end its service too.. When I squeeze it, feels like water spurting out through a very tiny hole, which I can't see.
But I was already quite amazed that this bottle lived beyond its expected or normal counterpart life span!!
Previously all my including red Manchester United, Black Nike, what else.. A green plastic bottle. Serve me up to six month only! And the tip of the bottle will malfunction and cause leak. But this amazing blessed PINK ADIDAS bottle, without realising served me from mid/late 2004 up till now 2006!! Wah, almost 1 year plus..
Amazing.. Clap clap clap. Love the sweet color..
Next time I'll buy a nice purple or deep sea color Nalgene maybe..
3. My mini cactuses on my workplace desktop has started blooming babies again! After like a period of dryness and sign of dying off (coz probably I forgot/didn't water it? And everytime I water them, I'm afraid they'll get oo much water and die.) And some are babies of the first batch of babies which grew like rabbit ears out from the main stem..what a joy!! To see them. So cute!!
Actually I had only 1 pot, given by my boss when we shifted to new office. Everyone also gets a pot. But because I put mine on the upper part of my desk top where there's heat, and there were growth (condusive environment), 2 other collegues who don't own desktops but laptops put theirs for nurturing on my desktop. Another collegue left the company and gave hers to my comp. And now I have 4!!!.
will put pic in another time and will try capture pic of the recent one now!!
(the pic of it ard 5-6 months ago)..
4. Today had my first teleconference meeting for a project study. Gotta take minutes. At the end, my collegue helped me to bring up or clarify and clear up any issues pertaining my new responsibilities of handling DCCF/Queries for Thailand site. As it's a new transfer and there maybe outstanding stuff that was not cleared before I take up the job, and also to see if it'll be too heavy for me. In from there, th discussion brought up to whether my role as CPA should be the one to follow-up on the sites to chase and get back the Queries on time or the CRAs should be doing it. In my heart, oh no, follow-upping on queries trying to call, fax the sites where the people can be quite uncontactable, and slow to do things especially Mal can kill you! If not take up your whole day! Not to mention there were numerous sites for each country. And I hate doing that! I really prayed in my heart that time, God.. Please please don't let me do the job..the senior CRA was pro the CPA helping to F.UP as they will be travelling and thank God my project manager prefers the CRAs to follow-up. And in the end, my job stays free from the nightmare. I'll just do the faxing, and inform CRAs bout what needs to be F.Uped. PTL!!!
5. What else..
Think there's something else but I forgot.
Anyway, today finally I got to approach my boss to apply for leave of my church camp in early June. Realised I need to inform him earlier before he tries to put or push back the coming regional CRA training from end May to June! Heared news but he hasn't fix it yet.
I don't want to miss the training week le..
I gave him the form at end of the day, and found out that he's already intending to have the training week in 1st week of June. So does it clash??
YES!!! Arrghh!!! (will miss the last 2 days if 1 go off on Thurs & Fri) God. Nvm, I'm still praying hard. If not, I'll have to make a choice and execute my plan already in time..
God PLEASE???
1. My SONY Discman.. Which served me for 4 years plus or 5…sob sob. now no more CD player to play CD in my room.
But, I just realized it's my bro who bought/paid that for me back then.. How blessed..
2. My Adidas pink water bottle is threatening to end its service too.. When I squeeze it, feels like water spurting out through a very tiny hole, which I can't see.
But I was already quite amazed that this bottle lived beyond its expected or normal counterpart life span!!
Previously all my including red Manchester United, Black Nike, what else.. A green plastic bottle. Serve me up to six month only! And the tip of the bottle will malfunction and cause leak. But this amazing blessed PINK ADIDAS bottle, without realising served me from mid/late 2004 up till now 2006!! Wah, almost 1 year plus..
Amazing.. Clap clap clap. Love the sweet color..
Next time I'll buy a nice purple or deep sea color Nalgene maybe..
3. My mini cactuses on my workplace desktop has started blooming babies again! After like a period of dryness and sign of dying off (coz probably I forgot/didn't water it? And everytime I water them, I'm afraid they'll get oo much water and die.) And some are babies of the first batch of babies which grew like rabbit ears out from the main stem..what a joy!! To see them. So cute!!
Actually I had only 1 pot, given by my boss when we shifted to new office. Everyone also gets a pot. But because I put mine on the upper part of my desk top where there's heat, and there were growth (condusive environment), 2 other collegues who don't own desktops but laptops put theirs for nurturing on my desktop. Another collegue left the company and gave hers to my comp. And now I have 4!!!.
will put pic in another time and will try capture pic of the recent one now!!
(the pic of it ard 5-6 months ago)..
4. Today had my first teleconference meeting for a project study. Gotta take minutes. At the end, my collegue helped me to bring up or clarify and clear up any issues pertaining my new responsibilities of handling DCCF/Queries for Thailand site. As it's a new transfer and there maybe outstanding stuff that was not cleared before I take up the job, and also to see if it'll be too heavy for me. In from there, th discussion brought up to whether my role as CPA should be the one to follow-up on the sites to chase and get back the Queries on time or the CRAs should be doing it. In my heart, oh no, follow-upping on queries trying to call, fax the sites where the people can be quite uncontactable, and slow to do things especially Mal can kill you! If not take up your whole day! Not to mention there were numerous sites for each country. And I hate doing that! I really prayed in my heart that time, God.. Please please don't let me do the job..the senior CRA was pro the CPA helping to F.UP as they will be travelling and thank God my project manager prefers the CRAs to follow-up. And in the end, my job stays free from the nightmare. I'll just do the faxing, and inform CRAs bout what needs to be F.Uped. PTL!!!
5. What else..
Think there's something else but I forgot.
Anyway, today finally I got to approach my boss to apply for leave of my church camp in early June. Realised I need to inform him earlier before he tries to put or push back the coming regional CRA training from end May to June! Heared news but he hasn't fix it yet.
I don't want to miss the training week le..
I gave him the form at end of the day, and found out that he's already intending to have the training week in 1st week of June. So does it clash??
YES!!! Arrghh!!! (will miss the last 2 days if 1 go off on Thurs & Fri) God. Nvm, I'm still praying hard. If not, I'll have to make a choice and execute my plan already in time..
God PLEASE???
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
YOU MUST BE JOKING!!!!!
%&$%$%*&@$%#%^#@!!!!!!
(kidding)
------------------
(now i'm not).
I've enough of this P.S Crap!! Before I do just that...
..and then I can end my pain and misery.
Don't sms, don't call, don't ask
Use telepathy instead?
Basket.
Why not just don't see/meet at all..
And track?
I've enough of tracking sheets in my S:/ Drive, and not to mention H:/ personal drive.
Which one you want to be on. Drug Destruction List? or perhaps Death Patient tracking?
....
.....
------------------
What's P.S? = go figure!
--
Watch out for below space [COMING SOON..](If it comes out).
Any disclaimer will be out later.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bear with me while I'm having my breakthough now!!!
Anyway, came upon this interesting verse.
A man's wisdom gives him patience, it is to his glory to overlook an offense -Proverbs 19:11.
God you say what you want to say.
(kidding)
------------------
(now i'm not).
I've enough of this P.S Crap!! Before I do just that...
..and then I can end my pain and misery.
Don't sms, don't call, don't ask
Use telepathy instead?
Basket.
Why not just don't see/meet at all..
And track?
I've enough of tracking sheets in my S:/ Drive, and not to mention H:/ personal drive.
Which one you want to be on. Drug Destruction List? or perhaps Death Patient tracking?
....
.....
------------------
What's P.S? = go figure!
--
Watch out for below space [COMING SOON..](If it comes out).
Any disclaimer will be out later.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bear with me while I'm having my breakthough now!!!
Anyway, came upon this interesting verse.
A man's wisdom gives him patience, it is to his glory to overlook an offense -Proverbs 19:11.
God you say what you want to say.
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