LOVE - is Laying down your life for.. His sheep

Was thinking: God you really want me to go through great disappointments in my life so I can identify with my sheep is it??? (one good thing I can think out of the bad..)
Sob sob sob sob sob….

Just had the opportunity to speak to my boss bout my career 'development' plan as I needed him to sign my updated Job Description for filling record. As he has promised to 'look into it' ard BY end of this month. I told him (after much praying and asking Holy Spirit's guidance, peace and courage to speak up to him bout it).
----------------------------------
Me: Btw, July's ending, so will you be looking into my development plan?? (As he promised)

Boss: Ya…there's 2 parts. One's the training exposure. which is on going [what on-going?? It never even started at all in the first place(Except for a co-visit long time ago last year) and one one coming one next Mon which someone else help ask for it, and that's more than after 1 year!!]

And your promotion part. To either Senior CPA (No, i don't want to be administrator or progress this path!-i told him bef already le when he asked!) or CRAsst (yes this one!).
This one I'm having bit difficulty pushing you up. I think it's only March next year then I'm able to put this through. [what?? March next year! Ridiculous!!]

And I told him: March next year, that'll be quite long right? That's after 1 and half year.
And he told me ok, he'll speak to me on it after he's back from his 1 week trip to China. (which is 7 Aug).
(Ok fine. At least he's willing to talk or tell me bout it!)

ME: and bout the monitoring/exposure, will there be anymore besides the one which I'm going next week??

Him: hmm, this I'll speak to the CRAs and see if I can arrange or put you up for any. (this time I don't believe him anymore)

Me: Ok.. Or do I ask them directly and see if they need any help…?

Him: Erm, no. don't want you to touch on oncology studies. To complicated.. Bla bla bla. But studies like X, Y, Z are easier, for entry level. Bla.

Me: Ok.

Him: Ok, so I'll get back to you on that one when I'm back, on 7 Aug.

Me: ok, sure, Thank you!

-----------------------------------------
Phew. Got sad thinking bout it as negative thinking flood my mind. Heart sinking and feeling bit sick. But less sick then the other one.
'Sob sob sob'.

Then my thoughts came to this area, what God is or might be working in my life. (some thoughts connected..)
That He really want me to learn to Let go and Surrender two major tightly held areas in my life, and lay it down for His sheep..(for His purpose)

'Sob sob sob'.

The area of my 'needs' or greatest desire - the areas of finance (plus perhaps job "status") (increment, promotion) and the person I treasure.
Sob sob sob.

God's testing me if I'm willing to let go of all these for the sake of His sheep and Kingdom..

Yah, I am willing..
'Sob sob sob'.
But..don't or you really want me to be like this or go through this 'drought' rite? Can't imagine. But with his assurance and strength then think I can go on lah..

Stuck in this company for 1 year and 9 months then promotion or increment?
(colleague promoted in 9 months, I've waited for how many months more till this day? Another more than half a year, become 1 year. Siao. Other colleague will say you're wasting time there, 1 year is a long time you can progress, do or learn much more already.)

Was very tempted to look for another job or leave the co. if there's really no progress here for so long! Was thinking this place has opportunity for me to grow and learn. But not really true..

Sob sob sob.

Read this verse in the morning before alighting the bus.

Jesus: " Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?.. But seek first His Kingdom and his righteous, and all these things will be given to you as well" -Matthew 6:25,33

Yah, so reminded me, even if I don't get those material blessings that the world look for, or the extra money that I want for food, or buy the things I like and clothes, it's alright (I shouldn't even have to worry or be too concerned about this, but to put His Kingdom - (His people, sheep, lost sheep), and my life living right before him (to be holy, as He is holy).

But actually hor., before the above incident happened, I was allocating what I would do with the 'impossible' $500 I ask God for and waited for.
50 - Aunt (need give/contribute to her more money)
100 - Mum (50 plus backlog for whole of last year back to my account)
50 - phone line + internet/broadband
100- save
100 - insurance!
100 - pay study loan
50 - tithe (and ofcourse)

Hah, so I'll need ask God for $550. =P

See! Above, still not enough for me to buy of have nicer/proper food/meals or be a greater blessing to friends/spiritual family. And to mention shop. Hai, so if God is good he'll give me more.

Now what I'm earning is just enough for me to survive minus the above important/'essentials' also.
Hee.
But God is good, he blessed me a freelance assignment which will earn me $180 if all goes well. PTL. Get this, thinking already to give my aunt to buy her new washing machine! (should do this) But not enough still also. Haha.

Anyway, a surprise encouragement I received today from
New bro Wilson Koh's SMS:
"Rejoice in the LORD! For He knows our hearts and minds and our souls wholly. He who gave us eternal joy thru His Mercy and Grace promises life of abundance. Behold! And live a life according to His purpose. Wherever you are, whatever you do, He will lift your burdens….."

Reading into it.. Quite true and meaningful


Note: realized plural for Sheep doesn't have (S). so not sheeps but sheep. think i remember something like that.

Note: Oh ya, later in the noon, a senior collegue asked if i'll be free in late Aug, and told me that i'll follow her for co-monitoring! woa.. i asked, did boss ask you or you initiated yourself?. ok, my boss asked her. ok, so at least he did what he said. hai.. need i push him everytime? don't like. But have spoken to other collegues who's keen that they'll get help for their monitoring and will look out for coming ones and let my boss know. heh. :)

P/s: the sobbing on top is kind off real. the pain or sadness in my heart and
almost cried, bit tears as i think of it. Until the part when i remember God's
Word or promise loh..and His encouragement..

Sweet smile

I was walking to my office in the morning passing the bus stop and saw a small little boy in uniform (kindergarten) sitting by the inner curb eating bread. I gave the boy a little smile as I walked pass and the little boy gave me a sweet smile in return.
So sweet.. .(It was such a joy to the heart.. :) )

Soul Journal - Need God

25 July
Argh..need more of God, His Spirit's power, peace and joy to calm my raging soul and emotions that is like tearing my heart apart. His incomparably great power in me to resist the desires for what's not.
Think God is trying to teach me to voluntarily sacrifice things of a great but fleshly desire when it's against the will of God and non-beneficial at this point in time.

To learn self/emotional control and be stronger in my mind/will and not be easily led by heart/emotions - so that I will not fall into sin so easily.
Else next time jialat. How to be God's servant/leader of His flock? God is building up my level of temptation resistance/tolerance.

Oh.. Just reminded by that we must flee from temptation..that's the way. But I mean when temptation comes your way, what do you do?

Eph 1:18-21
I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,
V19: and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him for the dead..and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms.

- I didn't go/ partial willingly dropped Choir (for the church Anniversary 100 member choir in mid Sept)
(if I don't do the counselling Hope Sem course then I would do the choir)
- still failed in the other area - letting my emotions and heart lead me instead of will/mind.

26 July
Until a 'blow' came and experience some pain then you willing to budge, do something, or stop ...
My heart's in confusion and my mind's trying to reconcile my heart - amidst the struggle and turmoil within, with God's Word ultimately.
What can hold me and stop me from falling into destruction? is God's Word, His love and His grace alone. He's always there for me and I can cry out to Him for help in times of trouble. Although I'm still struggling to get up and right, still pain and stumbling, I know that He will not forsake me. Infact, through this circumstance and experience, He's teaching me a life lesson and experience and building me to be stronger after I've come out through it and be a blessing thereafter.

This song came to me early this morning that I sang out when I was down and it lifted my spirits:
Friend in high places

I was in need and I needed a friend
I was alone and I needed a hand
I was going down
but someone rescue me

Chorus:
My God cares too much to say
His mercies are new everyday
I get down to pray
And help is on its way

I walk by faith and not by sight
If things do wrong and I will be alright
Cause someone greater
Is watching over me

Today, I had tears welling up countless times, in the morning, on the bus, at work. Almost. Wanted to just have a good long worship time with God and get my soul right but gotta go to work.
Was thinking, if emotionally or heart sick, can get MC or not?? :(
Hah.
Part of me here may even be mixed with wallowing with self-pity, grief, pain and perhaps unwillingness to let go (negative part).
I know hurt is going to come but I loved being in this position too much to let go. (like how people in certain circumstance love their bad habits or vices too much to really want to change).
I've failed in my fast which I wanted to take. Failed becoz I didn't stop myself (too difficult) from the break. Or perhaps the wrong way. Thoughts instead of action. How do you stop feelings towards people? (your mind). But you keep falling and falling for it again. You don't wanna loose it becoz it feels great. Yet you know it's bad.
That's why maybe I needed to get hurt abit to stop it.

There's 2 inter-linked issues which I need to deal with. One is the cause of another. It's gonna take a year soon (in a quarter's time) as I go through this journey of refinement. Not easy as it is a deep area, that God is working through.

Need to go home to dwell in God already. Not much time left.


Drank English tea today (a long forgotten lychee flavour pack). Haven't drunk one in a long time.
Those who reads my blog will know what it mean.

5 Year Anniversary

Hah, just realised this month is my 5th Year anniversary..

In SINGAPORE!!
(Clap clap clap). How to celeb? haha.


A new colleague asked after lunch, so how long have you been in SG? I counted 2001, I came in July to NUS for studies.
Now 2006 July!

PS: My hometown and place of birth is Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia :)
Earth citizen of Malaysia, but
Eternal Citizen of Heaven, Kingdom of God - Christ the King!

Testimony

(for instant facts- search for bold sentence below )

My closer-Christian-friend -'mentor' colleague, Yanyi(whom I am so blessed with) whom guides me and gives me advices or feedback and whom I can always ask any questions have been telling me before that exposure or experience which you can write in your CV is more vital, not the title exactly. So look out for opportunities to do or learn more things.

I indeed was looking at title since I joined, and feeling bit insecure or inferior being an administrator, and for long. Esp when relating to other Uni grads or talking to those who have yet to graduate. (usually ppl don't aspire or expect to work as an administrator with a degree, but of course there's many. And my job can be done by a diploma qualification). Hoping to get out of it and progress in less than 1 year time (like what my previous predecessing colleagues did). And became fearful and doubtful bout myself and wondering why am I still stuck in it for long.

And also the fact, my boss promised to let me go out to local sites for monitoring exposure (job of CRAs), since the day I joined. But so far, he hasn't fulfilled his promise at all. 2005 left and 2006 came.
Although I managed to go to a site once for Site Initiation Visit (it was great, but that's the only time and it's NOT monitoring). When another colleague joined, she somehow was called by my boss to go out once, and a senior colleague once (becoz she's officially supporting the project) to the site (and that was only less than 6 months being in co.). I reminded my boss once during early this year. He promised other trainings and that too. But he never really did arrange monitorings outing. Besides that, i rationalized that I was also busy all the time in office and no time to go out probably.
(disappointing - like my father)

For me, I don't like to push my boss, even for the promotion he promised to look into. But looks like he needs to be pushed. As advice by my colleague as he's a very busy boss with many people and projects affair to take care off. Anyway, I don't like to demand/push your boss coz he's your boss. But also guess I didn't pray enough or at all this year bout this monitoring exposure, hence didn't hear God's guidance for action. I only hoped and prayed for promotion (Title) and increment (more money), yet missed this important element of monitoring exposure which I just waited and waited and waited.
(Thought hah, proven that he really needs to be pushed! Or threaten him to leave the co. then he'll promote you like my colleague is it?) Hah, but I don't think my position can la. Not highly indispensable enough. Or perhaps too highly indispensable as an administrator huh?

Haha. After my Blogging and prayer on Wed, the very next day,Thurs (20 July) morning, my dear colleague Yanyi SMSed me to congrats me that I'm approved to go out monitoring with a senior colleague Michael! (I didn't jump instantly with joy as I was with dampened hope and no expectation all these while..but was amazed and grateful for this amazing fact and unexpected turn out.)

The fact that it's not my official study, and it's at CGH (Changi General Hospital) - both which only where my other CPA colleague would be appropriate to go since she lives Tampines.
But God gave it to me despite the odds. Hah. I'm quite amazed. I thought how it miraculously happened? And query my colleague Yanyi. She said she asked Michael if there's any monitoring visits which needs help and to bring me along (and this wasn't the first time she has helped actually - but previously no results), and he went to think and then asked my boss for approval (which is quite likely to have no problem with).

And Voila! God's providence in the form which He thinks will be necessary or helpful for me in my career development (which I missed out).
Today, my senior colleague confirmed the date which is on 31st July 2006. PTL!

(so pathetic waited for so long that even such a small simple monitoring outing my colleague will Congrats me..hah)

Some lessons:
# You didn't Pray so you won't Expect. You don't Expect, so you won't Act,you don't Act, you won't Get.
>>So Pray [talk to God or ask Him] always and for everything!

# To put my security based on my identity in Christ and not my position, title or status relative to the society.


2nd prayer/hope came through:
My workload has reduced tremendously for this moment (this Mid June to Mid July!).
Suddenly very little emails, or people dropping task for you to do this and that all at once. But yet I'm struggling to keep up with time-work balance! (Feeling lost with trying to focus on one task for too long or spending too much time getting stuck on one. Not very good, as every minute spent needs to be billed to the specified task/project and need to account daily 8 hours! So if you're free or wanna take a break -- not that easy to just be free! That's the bad thing. (Envy ppl who can just be free when they're free)
I have prayed of hope for this (less menial task so I can actually go dig deeper into what I'm doing and not blindly rushing to finish task, though I enjoyed it sometimes). And discovered me can be quite lazy still! :X
In hope I can learn more.

Need to learn to take hold of my time and be faithful to be focused and effective still..

Yanyi, Me and Wai Cheon doing a grp excercise



My Co.'s Regional CRA Training week - 19-23 June 2006 (Conference Room)



Malaysian, (Sg), Philippines and Hong Kong Nationals!


Korean and Taiwanese counterparts - all mother of one kid :)


Siying, me, Patricia (a Taiwan Christian), WC

Hot Seat @ Desaru (Con't)

(a long long blog now..)

Hot Seat @ Desaru __Beach resort 1st-2nd July 2006

Our Sub District core team (under Vivien Lee) went to Desaru, a beach resort over there for a retreat.
It was my first retreat. Initially the destination was Bintan. I was interested in the beach and visiting a new place though, but it was too expensive.
Effectively 1 days and 2 nites cost almost $200. coz have to be back to SG and Nexus for Sunday Service.

Thought of just going on Sat and back and not stay, but eventually they changed to Desaru, Johor.
I remembered being there before on a family outing in 1996? Or is it 1997 or 1998? Me and my bro and family took photos by the beach. The sand was extraordinarily finer and nicer and cleaner than I've tasted (or felt) before anywhere living in the West coast of Malaysia! Desaru is in the Eastern (though South) or Malaysia, facing the South China Sea, hence a cleaner (by comparison only!) sea, unlike the polluted Straits of Malacca. Missed Bintan but still long for the clear blue crystal white sanded beach and clean sea where I can wade and swim or snorkel? And play with some fishes perhaps..

Redang may hold some hope for me. The Caribbean or perhaps Mauritius? Or any tropical islands may be too far way for now. I'll put it in my listing on places to visit (besides Sweden)

Desaru Beach time


(tried to hide under a shade, but later reluctantly came out after much persuasion fr my shepherd friend Lihong, and thought i could do a nice jog along the beach bare footed. such a nice feeling. thought i would want to live near the beach next time. the sun didn't come down, ended up trying to jog backwards to avoid the sun hitting me directly (;P no wonder i was tired). PLAYED with huge waves too..quite fun. althought i was slightly down in spirit. :P)


Back to Hot Seat, the game itself wasn't as exciting as when I about heard it, coz by night, I was completely tired and wanting just the chair/sofa, or even floor, if not bed.
Praise & Worship time, my legs are too tired to stand, and almost wanted or tempted to kneel down while worshipping with the songs so I could rest my legs, but didn’t.
After P&W, instead of having any teachings which I thought we would have, Vivien announced we would break into groups of 5-6 and do something (for me it's 'play'!) the Hot seat. Hot seat is where everyone will take turn to seat in the hot 'seat' (it's a chair) and everyone else will pray and prophecy over that person, speaking words, impressions and visions they received from God.
Well, it definitely will be exciting coz will hear from God through them, and possibly directly from God yourself. The good thing is that if someone speaks something pertaining to you which is not known or revealed to them before, it only shows God's glory.

And to 'play' this game/session, we have to group ourselves with ppl from different units, not more than 2 ppl from the
My group mates were: Jeremy, Chukai, Jie Xian, and sis (oops, I forgot her name now). Except for her, the rest I more or less personally know, but seldom keep in close contact.

I was the first one to be arrowed/asked to get on the hot seat. (I was glad though)

My prophecies were:Whatever I could remember:
1) I am feeling discouraged or disappointed becoz something I've asked God for haven't come. But I'll have to be patient, trust in Him, I'm on the right track, need FAITH, I'll receive double or (more blessings than I can imagine?)
Like Joseph: who with faith even though Circumstances seems otherwise bad - being caught into prison was later chosen and rose to serve the King...
Abraham: who by faith went to the land? … .. .
Jie Xian jotted in her palm (will get fr her again if i get to)

For me I think.. Hmm.. Ok. What area is that. One area that most fit is my job/career area. (Or was it relationship i thought, but not exactly leh..) I prayed since early for increased pay. And for promotion to be Clinical Research Assistant (up from Clinical Project Administrator) though my job scope actually already more or less covers the previous job scope of the CR Asst which was promoted to the next level CRA1. But he hired another CPA (Administrator and split my amount of projects with her). Meaning I'm still covering from top to bottom (including the previous CRAsst's scope just that less projects, and I'm still CPA. In Feb/March when discussing our development, (my boss told me that my development path would be like of my dear senior collegue before, fr CPA>CRA in future). I asked my boss when I have the opportunity to progress or take on the role as CRAsst. He said will look into it in June/July.. (1 quarter later!) and I also felt the above was unfair in a way of my job scope. Why does he want to keep me there? and even envy the opportunities or favor my other collegues got. What bout me?

-------------------------------------------
Yesterday just got another email that a colleague got promoted to CRAII (while rumours earlier heard that she want to leave. Few months before that 2 senior colleagues (some overseas) also got promoted.
Was he too busy, Did he forget about me? Forget to look into it? (but obviously not now) He doesn't like me? Is there something wrong with me or my work? Hmm.. I know I'm not 100% fully excellent or effective sometimes but I've been keeping up and doing my job faithfully, keeping to timeline (saved by God's grace and help many times!). I've got praises from other managers and positive appraisals from project managers I've worked with and colleagues. From my close peer/'mentor' or close Christian collegue friend, I seem ok too. And recently, a senior ex-colleague who left to join another Pharma company contacted me to ask if I want to join her co. as CRA. Woa, CRA. Ok, so at least she has confidence and thinks I'm good or ok else she won't have considered to look for me, for a higher position some more. (I didn't respond to that though becoz of other working environment factor, and decided to stay put in and faithful to my current co. for now)

So above are the thoughts that ran through my mind. Through it, my security in Him (God) was tested. I decided to put my security and confidence in Him (instead of my title, people's comment or reaction or whatever..), and to move on and continue to do my work and face/relate to my boss confidently. And also stop comparing. (I've been comparing with some others, how many months they take bef getting promoted, how come my collegue's probation period was less than mine,how come the other part-time helper who doesn't seem to be very fast or time efficient too but my boss still favours him as want to hire him to full time etc.) Btw, comparing will make you depress and it's not God's will! (Do not compare or look to much to other workers in the vineyard, but measure how you've progressed from your own past instead)

Hence happily again forgetting the negative thoughts and wait for the June/July to come.

June or July came, but still nothing happened. Another colleague got promoted. My newer CPA colleague got to go out to the site (hospital) to help out (for me that's considered exposure and experience opportunity) for the 2nd time! And I did not. Some how, she got to go and I didn't. Yesterday I feel bit disappointed and discouraged by my situation and hence bit down when negative thoughts came. Then went to the toilet and seek God. Knelt down in the toilet for the 2nd time I could remember (in desperate times) to pray, commit to Him and get my heart right. (btw, my fav toilet at my place here's always dry. It's Big and clean!). Yesterday I thought back of the encouragement that God gave me through the Hot Seat session as I was blogging. :) Timely rite?

Through the Hot Seat session, God also says I'm on the right track. If God says I'm on the right track then I'm on the right track loh! :)
just need to continue to strive to be a better servant for Him at work (more productive and effective time wise, as sometines I can't concentrate or distracted at work)

My prayer is.. God I wanna have a promotion and a $500 pay increment. Sounds impossible rite? I've waited a long time for that.
(though my initial target was met already during the yearly increment in March). (wanna have a higher spending, blessing, saving, [and ok, giving as well] power!)

But with God, all things are possible. By End July. Thinking again, by my Birthday, In 17 Aug (give my boss more time, & as birthday present.- hope that it's not too much due to lack of faith ;P)

Ermm, also learnt bout God's grace, that we do not deserve and hence should not demand that God give it to us. So God, by Your grace alone. And by faith, in Your will. Amen.
(Trust that You have the best thing for me or whatever for me to develop)


Back to Hot Seat, was amazed I had words prompted by the Holy Spirit to speak and encourage to every single person on the Hot seat. Despite very tired, almost zoone off during prayer.
It was less fun or excitement than I expected perhaps due to tiredness. But indeed God's encouragement really speaks to me, like right now and I'm greatly blessed.
Thank you God!!


On way back through and fro by ferry! - via Changi Ferry Terminal (instead of by land which I thought!)


caught 3 planes landing. 1 taking off when we went there if not wrong. :) wonderful

WWJD...WJD

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? ...WITH a JERK? (Damn!)




to be filled if any.







End: i think Jesus would stay cool…
Cool!

Zidane Vs Ronaldo

Post-world cup: Zidane Vs Ronaldo

Today I told a Zidane's supporter after partial reading of a full page article on Zinedine Zidane on Today's paper in the pantry:
"Hey, your Zidane's making headlines…"
(I was considering whether to send that or not in the first place, else I'll be breaking my own rules)

His reply came late in the afternoon
"Yea, more headlines than the Italian.. So sad"

Huh, sad? about?
Me: "Huh. Why so sad? Because Italy won?"
Zidane's supporter: "He made the headlines in the wrong
way"
….
….

Oops. Wah ok. Wanted to say so 'spiritual'.. (like what someone remarked when I said of course I went to Sun's 1st church Service and the person didn't which I observed - talking bout role modelling! ;P)

But after thinking awhile..yarloh. Initially I thought/feel it was cool in a way, not going into the violence details which I did not witness.
But after this, yah, not so cool lar in God's eye. But the world/media can't judge or are confused. But for us, we know and have God's standard. And God's judgement will come according to His standard, now and when the time comes.

So I replied finally: Yea, so you shouldn't wear you Zidane jersey out anymore... (:P)

And then at work place today, got a glimpse of the new laminating machine that arrived! Thanks to C. Ronaldo!!
Hah, my collegue was trying to laminate and A4 sized printed colored pic of her fav Ronaldo, and it got stuck in the machine. Went in and never came out.
So, the office had to order a new one! wah.. really thanks to Ronaldo. In replace of the one which was quite some ages ago (at least max 10 yrs)

Talking bout World cup, the main lab boss GM, John Marolf who initiated the World cup sweepstakes (lucky draw style -by each placing a $10 into a Kitty bank)won the Sweeepstakes himself as the Champion winner. Hah. And his assistant did make sure he'll give them all a treat. And he maked donations in the form of cakes to all. Seems like he like cakes alott…(as he offered cakes on the draw day itself)

Quoting Jean Paul Lewest the French MD (Medical Director):
"There's nothing Ronaldo can do with Zidane around.."

Be completely humble and gentle…

Wah. Not when after you waited 20 mins for the bus that never come, and you see every other buses that comes that route came 2-3 times already and your bus is still no where in sight.
Plus the fact I'm already running late again, and I don't want to be late/later than late.
So took the express 502 that came in the end after 20 min. When you alight at your destination, you saw your 99 bus right behind you (but not in sight when you were getting up the other bus). And not only that, there were not 3, but 4!!! 99 bus piled up together back to back.. (explaining why the long delay!). Not only that, have to pay 2.5x more on the express bus (which isn't any more faster) after waiting that long.

Though frustrated by that, don't want to let it affect my mood or work ahead at work.
Reminded by the Word (which I was reading on the bus) to be humble and GENTLE... Oh, and completely. (like my area of having complete trust and faith in God on area of finance which He's working on with me)
And hence submit to the Word and Spirit, instead of boiling with frustration and blaming the external circumstances..
(it comes with the desire to want to be gentle and be more like Jesus)

I didn't even get directly insulted or harrassed by an opponent enemy or on my dad/boyfriend/bro. (improvising S. Murali the Day Editor's description of Materazzi the Italian player towards Z.Zidane on the pit) Else, I'll be doing more than just cursing (albeit inside,alone, mild or non-filthy language) and calling the Hotline (if it exist!).

Ephesians 4:1-2
I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be COMPLETELY humble and gentle; be patient. Bearing with one another in love.

Zidane vs Italy

my my own notes.

On Monday I heard (fr Darren's msg) that Zidane's head was quite powerful. and I asked what he did. thankfully before i stupidly go and message someone without knowing that he actually head butted an Italy player to the ground! (and not shoot a goal) Wah! cool. or funny. i could imagine the scene in my head. poor guy got a red card then. (and that might caused France to loose the World cup champs? who knows) - both the consequence of anger put into action.

i missed the entire game though. Had my normal good needed sleep and only waited for the time of the results to be out. the next morning saw on the mobile TV the results. And was amazed. (it's between me and God.) erm, that Italy won. that Italy really won.

again, not becoz i supported them (as what I told 'Zidane' supporter on Sun). but just that I think they will win. And 'Zidane' went to say.. yeah.. i think Italy players are stronger..hahaha.

is it? I never knew. I don't know. I didn't really see their players at all this world cup and don't even know what colour jersey hey'll be wearing.
:)

anyway, heard that Zidane was the best player in World cup too! cool

Italy & Hot Seat part 2.

ITALY
Hah. Guess what. Italy won (old news now). I'm such a low frequent blogger. It's either I'm really busy or not stressed. Or stressed till dunno what to say/haven't digested. (side tracked) ;P

So..i gotta ask God, what now? hmm.. I haven't really wait upon his answer or press Him for an answer.. Coz I'm trying to capture and reflect upon what He might have and already done in my life all these while. Trying to piece things up. (me sounds like I haven't been spending time with God/praying yeah..)

Oh, so now I also have to predict the next winner of the champion league and EPL to prove to my 'boss' my spiritual 'gift'..
Sigh. Okloh. If God want to tell, He'll tell. If not, He'll not. I can still try ask lar.
Haha. On one definite condition. NO betting allowed! Else God definitely will not tell.
I wonder why Italy came to me when I didn't even ask. There must be a purpose. (Well, it's in God's hand. I just need to follow Him - as in obey Him and His Words, and so not fall Out of His will).

Of course many times I fall. Recently, actually for the pass months or almost a year soon (gasps..) God revealed to me my areas of life which I have yet to surrender to Him, or fully. Surrender as in to let go of that area and put it in to His hands. Entirely. And to trust in Him. The entirely is the hardest and biggest faith needed

One are is the area of finance- my complete faith and security in Him. (falls in this area):

Oh so the idea I had in my (previous part 1 blog). Was to go buy on Italy and earn money out of the betting (talking bout SG Pools). I even immediately told the one who could help me - which happens to be my CL, the idea I had and ask him to buy for me. ;P (also to account to see any blind spots or hit me back to God's will and alignment and principles of the bible),

Note at that period I was in a slightly distressed condition plus PMS perhaps.
By late afternoon, I realised something quite wrong with that idea which initially sounded fine and good to my mind. yah, eh..quite funny leh,and got more convicted that it isn't something biblical or God would approve off. Don't think I'm able to testify bout God through it if I win any money. Nevertheless, I also got another opinion from another Christian financial agent at night. just to see what he says.haha. Although I already decided more or less not something I would do. No regrets even if Italy wins.

Why?
-how will ppl see me as a Christian? ppl in their mind thinks Christian don't gamble. Yeah. (we don't trust in luck, but in God to provide) Though I thought I was only gambling with God then..with faith ;P

-Gambling's associated with vices, the root of many social and family breakdowns, greed, temptations - definitely not a place/channel to testify of God's goodness and greatness!
Psalm 1:1 Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way or sinners or sit in the ways of mockers…..

Because the fact that I don't bet, God through this gave me something to test and show how vulnerable or much I could fall into temptation caused by the area of finance or at the spurr or moment how can we fall. Pastor Jeff on Sunday's sermon said that the opposite of greed = is faith.

Oh yeah, the other conclusion - gonna test out my gift of prophecy still. :)
Purpose- to help and ministers to others, and to edify/encourage the chruch.


Hot seat- to be con't later

The Flower that landed on me

9 Jul 06 was Hannah/Shufen & Hanhui's solemnization marriage ceremony at Stardust clubhouse, somewhere along Rivervalley road. 12pm. Oh, I was suppose to help out as usherer. Melissa and Ruey looked so nice and elegant in their (unplanned) matching orange white color co-ordination! Hahhaa. It was a small cosy place though slightly out of the way. Nice deco hanging along the spiral stairs and a particular flower stand in purpole velvety color. Other than that was just so so.

Pic.
Bef,


during,



after



The last words I heard was Hanhui pointing twds me and say 'Doreen Doreen! (he's not the one throwing of course). Oh no. the next thing I knew. I saw the flower really falling my way. They've also shifted the launching bay by then. Arghh.. I blocked with my hands and a photo in my hands. "pop" it landed (thank God not on my head!) on the ground. I kind off froze for a while. Ok, perhaps it's near Melissa. I looked down and it was nicely below My feet/chair. Oh, clearly it's in my boundaries. The next thing I knew it landed on my lap (thanks to Melissa!). And I shrug it off back to her and lap. And she quickly passed it to the other girl beside her who said since early volunteered to have it and later said she has booked it. ;P
Phew. What a scare. I don't know why. Before the thing, I knew I won't be so 'lucky' coz I'm sitting by the side near the wall. But I actually ended up praying vaguely or faintly (in case), something like, God if you think I'm really going to be married soon then it'll fall on me loh. That time I was quite sure it won't. and today at work I asked Shufen, ei, did you like really or purposely aim the flower at me? And she said no. ok. A relieve. Ok, great. So it's a sign.

Another thing was, or funnily, I could feel all eyes, or especially the eyes of the two Mr. Ts fixed on me loh. How I responded to the flower bomb. I don't know what to say..or what Zidane would think now. hah.
Nvm. Haha. I 'thank' SF for the flower though at nite, though I didn't take it. Or didn't want to. (she knows my secret already too)

Early in the morning, what do I need?
The Love of God!
Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, with all your soul with all your mind, with all your strenght
As I find my heart and self depleted of God's love to love..

Then I can continue to:
Serve the Lord Your God with all your heart, with all your soul with all your mind, with all your strenght
"Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, with all your soul with all your mind, with all your strenght." the song comes from - Deuteronomy 6:15

Italy & the Hot seat

ITALY's coming up..
Just heard they won 2-0 over Germany.
Wahaha. NO, I'm NOT a fan of Italy, neither am I a die hard follower or supporter of any Country.
One fine day, I got an impression (fr God) in my heart the country Italy. Related to world cup.
Hm.. I interpreted it as Italy will win World Cup perhaps…

Dare not say so much.. Coz not really confident if it'll be true..or what.
Heard many comments from people that Italy cannot make it.
Everyone's bidding on Brazil, Portugal? and whoever the strong ones that will win.
But one by one, they were down. And up till yesterday. Italy beat Germany.

I thought of something I'm going to do already… (erm, but will need to seek God to confirm if I'm doing anything out of His will..)

Gift of prophecy..?

That leads to Hot Seat story at Desaru beach resort 1 Jul 06

to be cont'

ermm: WARNING: please do not be stumbled. think i'm gettting bit crazy or stressed out perhaps. take it has mere human words which is fallible unless confirmed by God and His Word.