Hot Seat @ Desaru (Con't)

(a long long blog now..)

Hot Seat @ Desaru __Beach resort 1st-2nd July 2006

Our Sub District core team (under Vivien Lee) went to Desaru, a beach resort over there for a retreat.
It was my first retreat. Initially the destination was Bintan. I was interested in the beach and visiting a new place though, but it was too expensive.
Effectively 1 days and 2 nites cost almost $200. coz have to be back to SG and Nexus for Sunday Service.

Thought of just going on Sat and back and not stay, but eventually they changed to Desaru, Johor.
I remembered being there before on a family outing in 1996? Or is it 1997 or 1998? Me and my bro and family took photos by the beach. The sand was extraordinarily finer and nicer and cleaner than I've tasted (or felt) before anywhere living in the West coast of Malaysia! Desaru is in the Eastern (though South) or Malaysia, facing the South China Sea, hence a cleaner (by comparison only!) sea, unlike the polluted Straits of Malacca. Missed Bintan but still long for the clear blue crystal white sanded beach and clean sea where I can wade and swim or snorkel? And play with some fishes perhaps..

Redang may hold some hope for me. The Caribbean or perhaps Mauritius? Or any tropical islands may be too far way for now. I'll put it in my listing on places to visit (besides Sweden)

Desaru Beach time


(tried to hide under a shade, but later reluctantly came out after much persuasion fr my shepherd friend Lihong, and thought i could do a nice jog along the beach bare footed. such a nice feeling. thought i would want to live near the beach next time. the sun didn't come down, ended up trying to jog backwards to avoid the sun hitting me directly (;P no wonder i was tired). PLAYED with huge waves too..quite fun. althought i was slightly down in spirit. :P)


Back to Hot Seat, the game itself wasn't as exciting as when I about heard it, coz by night, I was completely tired and wanting just the chair/sofa, or even floor, if not bed.
Praise & Worship time, my legs are too tired to stand, and almost wanted or tempted to kneel down while worshipping with the songs so I could rest my legs, but didn’t.
After P&W, instead of having any teachings which I thought we would have, Vivien announced we would break into groups of 5-6 and do something (for me it's 'play'!) the Hot seat. Hot seat is where everyone will take turn to seat in the hot 'seat' (it's a chair) and everyone else will pray and prophecy over that person, speaking words, impressions and visions they received from God.
Well, it definitely will be exciting coz will hear from God through them, and possibly directly from God yourself. The good thing is that if someone speaks something pertaining to you which is not known or revealed to them before, it only shows God's glory.

And to 'play' this game/session, we have to group ourselves with ppl from different units, not more than 2 ppl from the
My group mates were: Jeremy, Chukai, Jie Xian, and sis (oops, I forgot her name now). Except for her, the rest I more or less personally know, but seldom keep in close contact.

I was the first one to be arrowed/asked to get on the hot seat. (I was glad though)

My prophecies were:Whatever I could remember:
1) I am feeling discouraged or disappointed becoz something I've asked God for haven't come. But I'll have to be patient, trust in Him, I'm on the right track, need FAITH, I'll receive double or (more blessings than I can imagine?)
Like Joseph: who with faith even though Circumstances seems otherwise bad - being caught into prison was later chosen and rose to serve the King...
Abraham: who by faith went to the land? … .. .
Jie Xian jotted in her palm (will get fr her again if i get to)

For me I think.. Hmm.. Ok. What area is that. One area that most fit is my job/career area. (Or was it relationship i thought, but not exactly leh..) I prayed since early for increased pay. And for promotion to be Clinical Research Assistant (up from Clinical Project Administrator) though my job scope actually already more or less covers the previous job scope of the CR Asst which was promoted to the next level CRA1. But he hired another CPA (Administrator and split my amount of projects with her). Meaning I'm still covering from top to bottom (including the previous CRAsst's scope just that less projects, and I'm still CPA. In Feb/March when discussing our development, (my boss told me that my development path would be like of my dear senior collegue before, fr CPA>CRA in future). I asked my boss when I have the opportunity to progress or take on the role as CRAsst. He said will look into it in June/July.. (1 quarter later!) and I also felt the above was unfair in a way of my job scope. Why does he want to keep me there? and even envy the opportunities or favor my other collegues got. What bout me?

-------------------------------------------
Yesterday just got another email that a colleague got promoted to CRAII (while rumours earlier heard that she want to leave. Few months before that 2 senior colleagues (some overseas) also got promoted.
Was he too busy, Did he forget about me? Forget to look into it? (but obviously not now) He doesn't like me? Is there something wrong with me or my work? Hmm.. I know I'm not 100% fully excellent or effective sometimes but I've been keeping up and doing my job faithfully, keeping to timeline (saved by God's grace and help many times!). I've got praises from other managers and positive appraisals from project managers I've worked with and colleagues. From my close peer/'mentor' or close Christian collegue friend, I seem ok too. And recently, a senior ex-colleague who left to join another Pharma company contacted me to ask if I want to join her co. as CRA. Woa, CRA. Ok, so at least she has confidence and thinks I'm good or ok else she won't have considered to look for me, for a higher position some more. (I didn't respond to that though becoz of other working environment factor, and decided to stay put in and faithful to my current co. for now)

So above are the thoughts that ran through my mind. Through it, my security in Him (God) was tested. I decided to put my security and confidence in Him (instead of my title, people's comment or reaction or whatever..), and to move on and continue to do my work and face/relate to my boss confidently. And also stop comparing. (I've been comparing with some others, how many months they take bef getting promoted, how come my collegue's probation period was less than mine,how come the other part-time helper who doesn't seem to be very fast or time efficient too but my boss still favours him as want to hire him to full time etc.) Btw, comparing will make you depress and it's not God's will! (Do not compare or look to much to other workers in the vineyard, but measure how you've progressed from your own past instead)

Hence happily again forgetting the negative thoughts and wait for the June/July to come.

June or July came, but still nothing happened. Another colleague got promoted. My newer CPA colleague got to go out to the site (hospital) to help out (for me that's considered exposure and experience opportunity) for the 2nd time! And I did not. Some how, she got to go and I didn't. Yesterday I feel bit disappointed and discouraged by my situation and hence bit down when negative thoughts came. Then went to the toilet and seek God. Knelt down in the toilet for the 2nd time I could remember (in desperate times) to pray, commit to Him and get my heart right. (btw, my fav toilet at my place here's always dry. It's Big and clean!). Yesterday I thought back of the encouragement that God gave me through the Hot Seat session as I was blogging. :) Timely rite?

Through the Hot Seat session, God also says I'm on the right track. If God says I'm on the right track then I'm on the right track loh! :)
just need to continue to strive to be a better servant for Him at work (more productive and effective time wise, as sometines I can't concentrate or distracted at work)

My prayer is.. God I wanna have a promotion and a $500 pay increment. Sounds impossible rite? I've waited a long time for that.
(though my initial target was met already during the yearly increment in March). (wanna have a higher spending, blessing, saving, [and ok, giving as well] power!)

But with God, all things are possible. By End July. Thinking again, by my Birthday, In 17 Aug (give my boss more time, & as birthday present.- hope that it's not too much due to lack of faith ;P)

Ermm, also learnt bout God's grace, that we do not deserve and hence should not demand that God give it to us. So God, by Your grace alone. And by faith, in Your will. Amen.
(Trust that You have the best thing for me or whatever for me to develop)


Back to Hot Seat, was amazed I had words prompted by the Holy Spirit to speak and encourage to every single person on the Hot seat. Despite very tired, almost zoone off during prayer.
It was less fun or excitement than I expected perhaps due to tiredness. But indeed God's encouragement really speaks to me, like right now and I'm greatly blessed.
Thank you God!!


On way back through and fro by ferry! - via Changi Ferry Terminal (instead of by land which I thought!)


caught 3 planes landing. 1 taking off when we went there if not wrong. :) wonderful